Imaginif

Moved to imaginif.com.au

Megan Bayliss — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:35:56 +0000

We have moved house.

This blog will no longer be kept.

Please come and visit us at www.imaginif.com.au

Blog platforms are so advanced and user friendly that we have opted to run our static web pages through a blog platform.

Check us out and let me know your thoughts.

www.imaginif.com.au

Change your links for Imaginif’s new blog

Megan Bayliss — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:31:55 +0000

Change over to our new blog is slow because other commitments have had to come first over the Easter period. Are you ready to see our new corporate blog?

Mystery change at Imaginif
Face lift with Botox

Imaginif is very close to dropping our veil and showing you our new site- a wordpress theme that I will also be offering our static web page through. All of a sudden, our web site has become total blog site. I love it because it means I can do all changes myself and turn the web site into a highly interactive shop floor.

If anyone is in doubt that blogging is an essential business tool then I urge you to take a closer look at what Web 2.0 is and what your customers want. Expensive static web sites are sooooo yesterday, darhling. Make the change today and extend customer service to online conversations (ask me how to do it - I have another surprise up my sleeve for business who wants to corporate blog). Web 2.0 applications are basically the business difference between reading a brochure and having a conversation at point of sale. Corporate blogs are a necessary business tool to capture new customers and retain existing ones. People today expect, and deserve, clear and transparent conversation. We are doing it….hopefully tomorrow.

For all those who link to us in blog rolls, you may like to change the link to http://www.imaginif.com.au/ I anticipate that as of tomorrow we will be bloggy well fully functional at our corporate root address: www.imaginif.com.au. Link now so that you do not miss our unveiling.

And…this is a message to my darling who always reads our blogs - for our first wedding anniversary I want Photoshop CS3.

If anyone is trying to reach my mother re the movement disorders symposium and dinner in Cairns, she has gone to a Dystonic conference in the U.S. She’ll be back on April the 2nd.

Kids WIN money

Megan Bayliss — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 05:11:55 +0000

I care for others is a special child safety competition just for kids aged between five and twelve.

Please write or draw us a story about how you care for others. Your story has to be no more than 500 words and no less than 100 words. Your drawing can be on A4 or smaller paper and needs to have a title, for example - This is me caring for my friends. Also make sure you write you name, age and date of birth on your picture or story.

Ask Mum or Dad to send your I care for others story to Megan (the boss talk doctor at Imaginif) by email (megan at imaginif dot com dot au)or by post, Imaginif Kids Competition, PO Box 995, Edge Hill, QLD, Australia 4870.

This competition closes on the last day of April so you must make sure Mum and Dad post your entry to me before the 30th of April. On the 1st Day of May, 2008, Megan and Paul from Imaginif will read ALL of the stories, look at all of the pictures, and decide which one is the most likely to help other kids also want to help other people. Did you know that caring for others is a GREAT thing to do and can turn you into a super hero without having to have any special powers.

What does the winner get? The winner will get Australian $20.00. The winning money can be sent to you no matter where you live in the world as long as Mum and Dad have a paypal account. The winner will also get their drawing or story published on this website. Yahoo - you might become famous!

I care for others and I hope that you win. Start thinking about what you are going to write or draw for our I care for others competition.

Mum and Dad - caring for others is a great way to develop empathy in your kids. Kids with empathy are less likely to do the wrong thing, will fight less with their friends and siblings and even have better concentration at school. If you want some more ideas on how to develop empathy in your kids check out, Five ways to empathic children or any of our articles on Emotional Intelligence.

Parents fined for wild children

Megan Bayliss — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 23:54:13 +0000

Look out parents in Western Australia. If your kids run wild you run the chance of getting wild over a $200.00 fine.

Parents fined $200 if kids run wild By Amanda O’Brien

In an Australian first, courts in Western Australia will soon be able to order chronically negligent parents to attend parenting classes or face a $200 fine, in a crackdown on anti-social behaviour by children. (more…)

Face lift with Botox

Megan Bayliss — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 05:30:06 +0000

Botox for blogs is what I need this Easter holiday! I will not be posting for a few days because:

I have three trainings to facilitate this next week, and
Botox is being injected into my Presentation editor field. Once the surgery is tidied up, Ill take off the bandages and give you a squiz - in the mean time, I am here behind the scenes, just shielding my delicate eyes from the sun.

Stay safe everyone. Road safety is a child protection issue so please keep our kids safe this Easter.

If you drink and drive, you are more than a bloody idiot, you are a dead loser.

Mystery change at Imaginif

Megan Bayliss — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:24:08 +0000

There’s going to be a few changes around here young man. You just wait till your father gets home!

Those words are sufficient to strike terror into even the most together young male. Hell, I’m female but those words still mean serious business to me and I’m sure my mother said them to me when I was a precocious young one. I say them to husband boy all the time…but he laughs at me!

Remember The theme of a child protection service blog? Well, it’s started…you just wait till your mother gets home!!!! Mystery changes will occur on this site over the next few days. While secrets are forbidden on this platform, mystery and surprise is the veil that covers my ……..

Leigh (All for Women) and Imaginif are also cooking another sistership deal. If you ever doubted that women make serious business of child protection then just watch our spaces.

If anyone in the Sydney area wants to meet up with me, I’ll be down for All for Women’s third birthday party. Meg, Tiff, Trish, Deb - can you make the 8th or 9th of May perhaps or are you planning on coming to the birthday party? I would love to have a catch up with you all.

Photo of Veiled Face by jlburgess at stock xchng.

BITSS of Protective Play training spaces available in Cairns

Megan Bayliss — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:59:58 +0000

Calling people (workers and parents) in Cairns, Queensland.

There are two spaces still available in Thursday’s
BITSS of Protective Play training.

Attending a BITSS training equals being a protective citizen - something we all aim toward. Open to workers and parents, male or female, it is a practical skill training that all people need.

Who should come to these trainings?: Mums and Dads, Grandparents, agency support staff, therapists, teachers, social workers, psychologists, child care workers, etc. It is a practical training suitable for anybody who wants to keep kids safe through play.

The practical outcomes achieved by attendance at the 6 hour workshop are:

Background and historical protective behaviour knowledge to inform future practice with (concepts),

Information, knowledge and articulation of the BITSS model of protective behaviours (concepts) that can be used in your next session with a family or child,

Thoughtful appreciation and ongoing demonstration of child protection as a community responsibility (value),

Some creative ideas to immediately encourage families to practice protective behaviours (skills), and

Skills in play you can immediately attach your knowledge to (skills and ability).

Attendance and participation provides you with a very colourful certificate to add to your resume or CV, a training booklet and a bag of BITSS to help keep kids safe.

If you wish to attend this dynamic, fun and challenging BITSS of protective play training, please immediately contact Megan Bayliss (07 4032 5034) so that she can register you and make up your bag of BITSS goodies (each participant gets five toy resources to begin protective play for body ownership, intuition, touch, say no and support network.

The cost to Imaginif newsletter subscribers is just $120.00 plus tax (subscribe to receive our monthly newsletters and training discounts below). This is a real bonus. Non subscribers pay the full price of $150.00 plus tax. Act now because the training is this Thursday - 20.3.08. Ring Megan to confirm your position.

Take advantage of the two available BITSS training places for this Thursday.

When: March 20th, 2008, 9am to 3 pm.
Where: Imaginif, 206 Jensen St, Edge Hill,
Cost: $120.00 plus tax for newsletter subscribers, $150.00 plus tax for non subscribers

Get Imaginif newsletter alerts:hints, tips, sales, safe parenting ideas,tools for professionals.
Email:

Disruptive adoption from the adoptee’s point of view

Lisa — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:11:21 +0000

Sunshine Girl On A Rainy Day

Currently in the United States, adoptions are being promoted as the “cure” for foster care, and a panacea to all permanency issues. And yet, across America, there are a growing number of adoptions that dissolve after finalization.

The highest disruption rate is for children who are adopted as teenagers.

Also at higher risk are:
- Children who are separated from their siblings.
- Children who have been sexually abused
- Children who have been adopted before and that adoption failed

The term ‘disrupted adoption’ sounds like it was coined in order to minimize the emotional impact. It brings to mind phrases like: “The television program was disrupted by a commercial break,” or a teacher saying to her class, “Be quiet. I will tolerate no more disruptions!”

Perhaps it’s a subtle way to assign blame to the child. Could it be a lingering accusation of insubordination? Does it imply that the child is an intruder, disrupting the customary order of their adoptive parents’ household?

A friend of mine who was adopted from foster care was recently reading a blog entry from an adoptive parent whose complaint was: “I guess we just thought that we would love him sooner. He is obviously crazy about us, but I just find myself coming home from a long day at work, and wishing he would calm down.”

My friend looked up from the article and commented, “It sounds like they were looking for a puppy.”

Prelude to a Loss
A series of stages have been identified by the University of South Maine that often lead to adoption disruption. First, the adoptive parents become frustrated with the child’s behavior and begin questioning their choice to adopt. They start complaining about the child to other people.

Hopefully the adoptive parents have surrounded themselves with a support group to both comfort and challenge them regarding their parenting skills. It is normal to feel overwhelmed after an adoption, just as many parents go through an adjustment after their child’s birth.

When I became a stepmother, I remember that the transition to ‘instant parent’ wasn’t easy. It took time to define the roles in our relationship, to build trust and to set limits. I knew that it wouldn’t always be easy, and it wasn’t. But I also knew that when I chose to marry my husband, I was making a lifelong commitment to his daughters as well.

Adoption needs to be perceived as a serious commitment. A child is not a defective product. A child cannot be taken out on a trial run. You can’t have buyers’ remorse, and then take that child back for a refund.

And yet, prior to adoption disruption, adoptive parents allow themselves to fantasize about what it would be like if this child were no longer a part of their family. Finally, they issue an ultimatum to the child.

The Aftermath
Most articles about disrupted adoption focus primarily on the emotions of the adoptive parent. But what does it feel like to be the child, undergoing that level of rejection?

For children and teenagers who have experienced disrupted adoptions, this experience impacts both their personal identity and long-term survival.

They often wind up in limbo:
1.) Their birth certificate has been permanently changed. It is now inaccurate, because it lists as parents. They aren’t allowed to have a copy of their original birth certificate without approval from both parents. In fact, they aren’t allowed to have personal documents, such as their (doctored) birth certificate, until they are 21 years old.

2.) Not only can they not rely on their former adoptive families, they are no longer legally related to their siblings. An adoptee explained it to me like this: “We are brother and sister, but on paper, it looks like we aren’t even related. I can’t even be his next of kin.”

3.) As they transition to adulthood, they are often unsure of how to fill out their taxes or the federal student aid application for school. They are asked to “prove” that their adoption was legally disrupted. If their adoptive parents have simply abandoned them, as happens all too often with teenagers, they can’t.

Transitioning young adults are unable to receive benefits such as ETV funds, because they were adopted and the assumption is that their adoptive parents – who have been receiving adoption subsidies for their care – will financially provide for them.

Recommended Policy Changes
Adoption agencies should be held to the standard of full disclosure. Research has demonstrated that parents who understand beforehand about a child’s previous physical or sexual abuse are less likely to disrupt the adoption. Sometimes, such as in the case of international adoption, there might not be a lot of information available. However, inasmuch as it is possible for an agency to fully inform adoptive parents about a child’s background, they should do so.

Screen adoptive parents’ motivations and expectations. Is the adoption based primarily on the needs of the child or the adoptive parent? Many people adopt due to their inability to conceive. Sometimes disruptions occur because parents feel entitled to some wonder-child that they’ve been imagining and the child doesn’t meet those expectations.

Training for adoptive parents should include the “what if” scenarios. What if you adopt a child, and discover that child has been sexually abused? Adoptive parents should be prepared in advance, and encouraged to create a financial and emotion safety net in the event that a child might need residential care.

Facilitate an atmosphere of trust, by allowing the child contact with loved ones. An adoptee shared with me her experiences on the day of her “Goodbye Visits” prior to her adoption. During the course of one day, she had to say goodbye to her birth family, the foster family with whom she had been staying for years and her brother. That day was the most horrific day of her life.

Three months later, her new adoptive parents were upset that she didn’t want to call them “Mom” and “Dad.”

The term Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me nervous because I believe it is a diagnosis that is given too quickly. This label makes it easier to underestimate the resilience of an adoptee and to magnify their problems. It makes it easier to blame the adoptee when things go wrong.

Imagine if someone came to you and said, “You are going to enter the witness protection program. You need to go and say goodbye to all the people that you have ever loved. You can no longer have any contact with them. It is for their safety.”

In a witness protection scenario, national security might be at stake. But whose needs are being met when an adopted child isn’t allowed contact with any loved ones?

When I asked my friend why her adoption meant that she was denied contact with every person that she had ever loved, her explanation was, “Adoptive parents are insecure, especially with older kids. That’s why the government allows them to cut all ties.”

I believe that if her former foster family was safe enough to place her with during the interim, she should have been allowed to maintain contact with them. If she was allowed sibling visits prior to the adoption, they should have been continued afterwards as well.

I would like to invite readers to weigh in on this issue…

When should I start to teach protective behaviours and personal safety

Megan Bayliss — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:03:26 +0000

Parents seem terrified to talk about protecting their kids from sexual abuse. “When should I start talking about that sex stuff,” is a question I wish had a dollar for every time it has been asked of me.

If, by sex stuff, you mean protection from sexual abuse then start today! Preferably start teaching protective behaviours from the day your baby is born. Child protection is serious business, and damn it, you are just as responsible as I am for keeping your babies safe.

If by sex stuff you mean straight sex education, forget it. I do not want to talk about just sex! Teaching about sex stuff (intercourse) is not holistic child protection or protective behaviours. That is a fallacy, a myth, similar to stranger danger (did you know that eighty five percent of child sexual assault is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child?). Teaching body boundaries or calling a private part by its correct name, vagina or penis, is not sex education; it is merely learning the correct name for a body part. Do you call an arm an arm, a leg a leg, or do you call them refrigerators? What do you call a vagina? Fanny, mut, peach, wee wee? It is a vagina and knowing its correct name and that it is a private part can help to protect your child. Sex education teaches about the male/female differences, intercourse and how babies are made. Sex is what we do, sexuality is who we are.

Sex education occurs at an age appropriate time - at a time of cognitive understanding and curiosity. Protective behaviours should also occur at an age appropriate time - from birth. Perpetrators do not wait for our children to become cognitively sophisticated before they start their abuse - they pick kids who may become confused through a lack of “my body” knowledge, who may not know they are allowed to say no and tell someone, or kids who have a dislocated support network.

With personal safety conversations we are not talking about sex education, we are talking about teaching protective behaviours. There is no age appropriate time to teach protective behaviours, just age appropriate ways to teach it. My experience with parents and children informs me that it is a scary area and parents worry that they will get it wrong. What we are getting wrong is not teaching it at all. Up to one in three children may be sexually assaulted. They are sexually abused because perpetrators can get to them, trick them and con our kids into believing that they are special, different and that the abusive behaviour is therefore okay.

Knowing correct terminology for private parts is just one part of protective behaviours in action. Your child didn’t have to wait until age eight to be told that their arm is an arm so start telling your babies that their penis is a penis and vagina is a vagina.

To make it easy to know how to broach protective behaviours with your families, I offer you a protective play document called Parent Sense. Parent Sense sets out a range of games and activities to play, at home and on a daily basis, so that your children have the best possible protection from sex predators. It is an easy read, suggests non threatening and every day sensible ways to weave protective behaviour teaching into everyday, at home play.

Parent Sense breaks protective behaviours and protective play up into five important areas, we call it the BITSS model - the important BITSS to remember to help keep your kids safe:

Each of the five sections (body ownership, intuition, touch, say no and support network), set out a range of easy play ideas that you can do at almost any time and any where. Feedback from parents and grandparents has been that it is one of the best practical protective behaviour applications they have ever been given. It’s free too! It is my gift to other parents because I am sick to death of kids being sexually abused again and again.

Still not sure how to teach personal safety through protective play? Here’s some other short articles on the how to of protective play. Remember than knowledge is power - keep learning about protective play and you will start practicing it by default.

When should I start teaching my child about protective behaviours? Today. Download Parent Sense now and start protectively playing because play is a child’s job and protecting your child is your job!

I LOVE these child safety focused articles:
Baby safety with friendly strangers by Joyce from Keeping Kids Safe
Launching Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse Series
Child Safety - Remembering that I am the adult.
Adolescent Sexuality by Dr Karen Rayne

Want to “write” the wrongs against our Kids? Join our
Child safety writing competition to WIN CASH.

Pornography cops remuneration while suspended

Megan Bayliss — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:15:23 +0000

Cop this load of pornography: Top cop faces child pornography charge.

A senior New South Wales (Australia) policeman has been charged with possessing child pornography after being investigated by the force’s corruption watchdog. A serious charge indeed following a serious investigation. Mr Porn Cop has been suspended on full pay pending defence at a hearing.

While it is not know what amount of child pornography was allegedly found on the senior police person’s computer or how it got there, obviously the investigation assessed it as more than a mere accident or vexatious send.

Under the Act, one of the defences for the charge is if the defendant was a law enforcement officer acting in the course of his or her official duties.

It is also defensible if “the material concerned came into the defendant’s possession unsolicited and the defendant, as soon as he or she became aware of its pornographic nature, took reasonable steps to get rid of it”.

Is this a point of law, a smoke screen or the naked truth. I am grateful that I do not have to make these decisions or even prove guilt or innocence. I do however have my own thoughts and biases. My bias is fueled by the blatant disregard for child protection that I see daily. So many people appear to accept porn as a normal part of life - as though viewing is not doing (yes, I understand the legal differences here).

What do you think? Should this senior police person have been suspended with pay and have his name and face plastered all over the International news? If he is found not guilty his life and career may have been destroyed. But…I cannot move past that a not guilty verdict does not necessarily mean not guilty - it can mean insufficient evidence to convict.

Your say: Should this senior police person have been suspended on pay and have his name and face plastered all over the International news?