When normal child sexual development becomes abnormal
May 2, 2008 by Megan · 4 Comments
Cairns schools are under the political and child safety spot light: School sex assault enquiry. It seems that small children are sexually assaulting other children in the playground. Not normal development by any stretch of the imagination, but I wonder what has happened to those children to act out sexually violent like that?
Some Cairns parents have had enough and want action. The relevant Government Departments have stated they are working overtime to investigate and sort the situation. But what will happen: tomorrow, next week, next month? With so many children being traumatically sexualised at home and the massive under reporting versus proof dynamic that exists with sexual assault, it is difficult for legal interventions to occur and for the spate of children acting out their traumatic sexualisation on other children to cease. What can we do as individuals to help stop childhood assaults?
Surely it is time to stop expecting other people to protect our children all the time. Child protection is every body’s business. Child protection is a community responsibility. This means that each of us have a role to play in protecting children from harm. Even children we do not know and in schools we’ve never heard of.
Knowledge and talking about child abuse is but one small thing we can each do to keep children’s business as serious business. To me, child protection is serious business. Child protection is what I do, every single day. I know there are many of you out there that share the passion for child safety. What’s your views on kids sexually assaulting other kids at school?
My view is: Stop with the blame of schools, teachers, Departments, bad parenting, out of control society, mother blame, etc. Blame does not stop child abuse until the blame is placed exactly where it belongs – on the shoulders of those adults who are sexually abusing our children. But, appropriate blame must then be followed up with useful and helpful action - legal and acceptable action that encourages changed behaviour. A community empowered to enact a zero tolerance of child abuse is a community that cares about their future and about the early intervention required to stop young offender/victims growing into older, seasoned sex predators.
You can help stop child abuse by educating yourself and by knowing what is not appropriate sexual development in early childhood? If we view sexual development as a set of traffic lights that turn from green (acceptable and go ahead behaviour) through to amber (warning, warning, proceed with caution) and red (NO, STOP, UNACCEPTABLE), it is easier to know when to be concerned that normal childhood development is going askew.
Knowledge of acceptable sexual development is first a savior though. The more you know and understand, the less likely you will be to freak out when something developmentally normal happens and to take appropriate action when something abnormal occurs. Amber and red light sexual behaviours in children require concern and action (report to someone who can help support you). Sexual development is a natural part of a child growing up. However, some behaviors step over the boundary of acceptable and suggest something else may be going on.
Here’s some articles that you may find helpful:
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? Introduction.
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Three to Five-Year-Olds.
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Five to Eight Year Olds.
What is NOT Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood.
Who is responsible for child protection? Smile, in case it is you.
What’s you views on kids sexually assaulting other kids?
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About Megan
I have to say I agree. Its hard to punish these kids when this is what they know as a ‘normal’ so they are acting to what they honestly and truly believe is the way life is suppose to be and until we start going to the top of the abuse latter and knocking down those at the top then work our way down and healing those closer to the bottom. and reteaching them then things may begin to look up. Should they go unpunished completely I don’t know. I mean if they don’t know its wrong they are not able to make the choice to do it or not. I think getting that child out of their home and somewhere safe then start helping them heal and helping them understand what they have been experiencing is wrong is possibly the way to go. However I do understand with limited resources it may not be possible.
Hey Tamara, I am so glad you’ve commented on this issue because you have a lot to offer.
Part of the difficulty with some of the current cases in Cairns is that the kids are 5 yrs old. That is the age where some innocent sex and gender curiosity does occur…but with violence and sneakiness, no, it is no longer age appropriate development.
As you point out, it’s a hard one – if that is all those kids know, should they be punished…but then how do they learn what is acceptable and not acceptable. Where do we intervene in the vicious circle.
Yep, knock the adult perps down from their safe perch and lets start protective behaviours with all kids from a very early age. If only we placed as much resource importance on non statutory child protection and emotional intelligence as we do on funding wars!!!!!
Thanks for your views T.
Quite often when concerns are made, it falls on deaf ears and a worse situation evolves. Been there as a child myself and seen a female child close to me go through something similar at hands of the same person yet this man walks free to this day and will never be punished for what he done.
I do know something innocent can be made to look sinister BUT we all know there is a line that does not get crossed with our children.
Megan, you do know me, you was the first person to finally listen and hear my story .
Child abuse victims never forget. To this day I struggle with inner turmoil and I will be dammed if another child goes through the same. We must have measures in place that are effective , all talk and no action fails the children.
Nunyaa welcome and thanks so much for your comment. You are right, sometimes disclosures fall on deaf ears – not just the government’s ears either, but the ears of protective people around the child.
It makes me wild that we cannot listen to and believe our kids. If someone had listened to you as a child you probably wouldn’t be walking around with as much inner turmoil.
Nunyaa I have no idea who you are (I’ve worked with so many people over the years), and that is okay, you do not need to identify yourself to me, but I do want to apologise to you on behalf of a population that let you down as a child and then possibly again as an adult. There are people that believe, that care and that honestly want all child harm to stop.
I wish I could take your pain away but I cannot not. I can however thank you profusely for putting your pain to the side for the sake of keeping other people’s kids safe.
Take care and stay safe Nunyaa