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I got bitten by a snake!

September 1, 2010 By Megan 9 Comments

Would you believe it…….I got bitten by a snake! A snake got into the three tier flash fella mouse house. After the snake’s mouse dinner (ate nine mice) it couldn’t then get out!!!!!! Big brave Megan came to the rescue. I retrieved the snake from the mouse house and am now sporting a snake bite among my list of high achievements. I really amaze myself sometimes!!!!

This reminded me of a story around codependency and how codependents do some really silly things some times.

A man found a snake. Although it was frozen, he recognised it as a poisonous snake. He picked the poor thing up and took it home to revive it. He placed the snake in front of the fire to thaw. Once thawed, he bent down to give it a nice little saucer of milk. The snake lifted its head and bit the good man.

As the man lay dying he asked the snake, “How could you do this to me after all I have done for you?”

As the snake slid out the door, it turned to the good man and said, “Stop your whinging. You knew I was a poisonous snake when you picked me up. What else did you expect me to do?!”  (Respect, Aug 1996)

If you are wondering why you do silly things, especially in relationships with those who bite you, then you may like to have a read of this short article on codependency.

In the interests of child safety, your own relationship with your adult partner needs to be healthy and a replica of what you want for your own child. Do you need to perhaps do some work on your relationship for the sake of your children’s future? Have a read of this: Co and Counter Dependent Relationships – Which one will your child choose?

And….DO NOT PICK UP SNAKES. They will always bite because that is what they are instinctively programmed to do.

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Play therapy: certificate course in Sydney

June 3, 2010 By Megan 1 Comment

Sydney Centre for Creative Change launches new training course in August 2010

12 day Certificate in Art and Play Therapy for Children and Young People

More information on the Certificate Course in Art and Play Therapy

Work confidently with children and young people.
Feel re-inspired and creative about counselling.

This certificate course offers you an experiential introduction to working with children and young people using a range of art and play media. In addition to theory, you will gain skill practice with the use of these methods, applicable in both individual counselling and group work settings.

What the research shows about play therapy:

It works!

Play therapy is a developmentally responsive intervention widely used by child therapists but often criticized for lacking an adequate research base to support its growing practice. Bratton, Ray, Rhine and Jones (2005) conduted a meta-analysis of 93 controlled outcome studies (published 1953–2000) to assess the overall efficacy of play therapy and to determine factors that might impact its effectiveness. The overall treatment effect for play therapy interventions was 0.80 standard deviations. This means that the average child receiving play therapy rated better after treatment that 80% of children who did not.

Further analysis revealed that effects were more positive for humanistic (non-directive) than for nonhumanistic (directive) treatments and that using parents in play therapy produced the largest effects. Play therapy appeared equally effective across age, gender, and presenting issue.

Reference

Bratton, S.C., Ray, D., Rhine, T. & Jones, L. (2005); The Efficacy of Play Therapy With Children: A Meta-Analytic Review of Treatment Outcomes Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 2005, Vol. 36, No. 4, 376–390

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The rules of listening

April 26, 2010 By Megan 2 Comments

The reason we have two ears and only one mouth is because it is twice as hard to listen than it is to speak. That may explain why so few people really listen to each other. Listening is an active activity and requires though, preparation and insight.

There are three simple rules of active listening:

  1. Effective attending (being there in full – both ears, both eyes and all your senses tuned).To effectively attend there are a number of simple skills to help us show a child that we want to listen to what they have to say. A communication writer called Egan has come up with an acronym to help us to remember: SOLER.
    S – Sit square on (face the child at their level wherever possible)
    O – Open body posture (make your body language say “I’m here, I’m ready for you”)
    L – Lean slightly forward (Watch a new couple. See how they lean toward each other to indicate interest.)
    E – eye contact (not all cultures like eye contact but most children like to look at eyes)
    R – Relaxed (an angry body is not relaxed, relax your shoulders, hands and face).
  2. Understanding the other persons cultural/social/political or geographical circumstances.We all listen through our own filters. Instead of ear plugs blocking our hearing, our filters are everything that has happened to us, our beliefs, ethics, experiences and preferences. These experiences/preferences can act to block our ability to hear exactly what the other person is saying. I find it hard to listen to people who have sexually abused children. Their child abuse behaviour acts as a filter and blocks me actively listening. I get around this as a counsellor by making it clear that I do not work with perpetrators of child sexual abuse. I do not refuse them help but I do refuse them my help because I know I may not actually be that helpful! I am unable to listen without judging.
  3. Understanding your own barriers to listening.We all listen through our own filters. Instead of being a cotton ball blocking our hearing our filters are everything that has happened to us, our beliefs, ethics, experiences and preferences. I find it hard to listen to people who may be a bit smelly. The smell acts as a filter and blocks me actively listening. I have got around this by only ever counseling in a well ventilated room where I can open the window if I have to. It is the other person’s right to be listened to fairly so therefore it is up to me to unblock my filters and to give the person my full attention.Similarly, if my mind is full of the mess I’ve left at home, my thoughts become a barrier to me fully listening to what the other person is saying. Worse than that though, is any preconceived thoughts I may have about race, religion or gender. If I sit there thinking that all men are liars, then I have a major listening block – a filter through which I receive faulty information.

Watch for an upcoming workshop on activie listening.

Parts of this article by Megan Bayliss
first appeared online (8.9.06) at families.com in
Make a difference in another child’s life: Actively listen to them.

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Filed Under: Blog, self development Tagged With: ,

What happens in child counselling

April 5, 2010 By Megan Leave a Comment

Child counselling is one of those hidden areas that many parents want to bust open. A good counsellor will explain to a parent what the counsellor is doing and how it works.

Knowing what happens can help parents, teachers or carers understand why it may seem that behaviours are not changing immediately. Although child counsellors are mostly open, sharing and caring people, we do sometimes forget that not everybody understands the way we work or why we work that way.

This will help you understand why child counselling often takes longer than you want it to.

Using a common and popular model of child counselling (Geldard’s Spiral of Change), there are 10 steps of child change:

  1. The child comes to counselling because there is an emotional disturbance of some sort
  2. The child and counsellor join (relationship building time)
  3. The child begins to tell their story when they trust and like the counsellor
  4. The child’s awareness of issues increases
    1. Often the issues are too painful or embarrassing and the child will deflect or withdraw.
    2. The counsellor helps the child to deal with their resistance to the pain. If successful, the counselling process moves to the next step.
    3. If the child cannot deal with the pain and continues to avoid then the counsellor changes the media (art, books, sand play, toys, etc) they are using to help reach the child and they go back top the stage where the child tells their story. Often a different media enables a child to tell their story in a different way.
  5. The child continues to tell their story and to get in touch with strong emotions
    1. Once the emotional flood gate is open, many new or hidden emotions come out.
    2. New issues often emerge here and can cause further emotional disturbance for the child. It is the counsellors job to take the child back to the beginning of the spiral of therapeutic change and to start the process over again.
  6. The child deals with their self destructive beliefs
  7. The child looks at different options, choices and ways of behaving
  8. The child rehearses and experiments (in the safety of the counselling room) with new behaviours
  9. The Child reaches resolution and is ready to face the world again
    1. Sometimes the child will throw up undisclosed issues at this point and the child therapist needs to start at the beginning again to deal with these issues separately.
  10. The goal of child counselling, adaptive functioning is achieved.

Talk to your child’s counsellor and ask what model they are working from. Ask to be kept up to date with where your child is at in the therapeutic spiral of change. Share information and do any homework that the counsellor sets for you.

If you do not want to or cannot afford to go to a child counsellor, consider using books to help solve problems or open up talk. This is called, bibliotherapy. Find out more about bibliotherapy by joining my mail list (you get a free report on exactly how to turn any book into a do it yourself counselling session).

 

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Competition. Enter the draw to win FREE registration

January 2, 2010 By Megan Leave a Comment

Only six days until the launch of the peer supervision and job recruitment forum for human service professionals.

People who join up BEFORE the launch on Jan 8 at 6pm (Brisbane EST) are in the running to win one of three FREE registration packs:

  • a monthly subscription valued at $29.55 (Aust),

  • a yearly subscription valued at $299.95 (Aust), or

  • a monthly organisational subscription valued at $119.80 (Aust).

Please forward this to all your friends and contacts in the human services (foster carers, social workers, community workers, youth workers, psychologists, occupational therapists, teachers, nurses, health workers, etc). They too will be in the running to win if they first register on or before January 8, 2010 (winners will have their first subscription refunded to them).
Launch is at 6pm EST January 8. Draw for the winner of the FREE registration packs will occur during the launch. Winner does not have to be present to win….just check your pay pal account to see if your subscription has been refunded.
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