Tomorrow is never promised

One day a woman’s husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t “anymore”. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more “just one minute.” Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say “I love you.”

So while we have it, it’s best we love it, care for it, fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick. This is true for marriage…..And old cars… And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!

Sent to me by an old friend that I have only the odd email contact with now, Jeanette Harvey. I have heard the message.
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Tissue paper recycling crafts for youth workers and foster carers

bowl1What shall we do today that is quick, easy, encourages recycling and provides opportunities for teachable moments? Sound a familiar thought? Apart from the parents among us, youth workers and foster carers are always on the lookout for such activities to use with traumatised children.

Youth workers; build up a repertoire of crafts and always have your craft box handy. Craft is perfect for opportunistic therapeutic talking and repair moments because the child or young person does not have to look directly at you and can pretend they are lost in the throngs of crafting. Plus, it is very healing and satisfying to see something that you have made yourself. A completed craft project provides a sparkling moment of proof of capabilities.

bowl2Here’s a couple of tissue paper craft activities. They can be made as presents for biological families, friends, teachers…or as special achievements/proof that the child can make and be surrounded by beautiful things.

Tissue Paper Bowl

Materials:

  • Tissue paper (just one colour – use large sheets like are in shoie boxes or presents come wrapped in)
  • PVA glue (or similar – ALWAYS tell your case manager when using glue though)
  • Paint brush
  • Small plastic container
  • Scissors
  • Bowl (to use as mold)
  • Cling wrap

bowl3What to do:

  • Cut tissue paper into strips, then cut strips into pieces, smoothing out as much as possible.
  • In the container mix equal parts water and glue. Blend it together with the paint brush.
  • Turn your bowl upside down and cover it with cling wrap. It is a good idea to cover the bowl in paper or powder first so that the cling wrap doesn’t stick. The more taught the cling wrap is over the bowl, the easier the surface will be to work on.
  • bowl4Using the paint brush, coat the top of the bowl (which will be the base once finished!) with glue mix and cover with tissue paper. The first layer is the hardest as the glue mix tends to bead and run down the cling wrap and the tissue paper is quite fragile. Patience and care will be required! Be sure to congratulate the young person who manages this task in a regulated and interested way.
  • Once you place a paper square on the mold, use the paint brush to stick it down. Keep applying glue as you go.
  • To create a reasonably sturdy bowl you will need to apply 7-8 layers of paper. Don’t worry too much though, if you find it is too thin once dry you can always just add another layer.
  • When finished, allow to dry (overnight at least), carefully lift away the mold and peel away the cling wrap. BEAUTIFUL.

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Recycled Jar Candle Holder

candle craft3Materials:

  • Recycled glass jar (jam jar or similar)
  • Tissue paper (one colour is fine, although a few different colours look great)
  • Scissors
  • PVA glue (or similar: ALWAYS tell your case manager when using glue though)
  • Paint brush (for applying glue)
  • Small container (for glue mixture)

Process:

  • Clean jar and remove label
  • Cut tissue paper into strips, then cut jagged edges off the strips to make triangles/quadrangles/interesting shapes
  • In the container, mix equal parts glue and water
  • candle craft1Using a paint brush, coat one section of the jar with glue mixture
  • Lay the pieces of tissue paper on the jar, overlapping them so no glass is visible
  • Keep applying glue as you work. Coating the tissue paper will help it lay flat against the glass and help overlapping pieces to stick. Tip: When working around edges and in crevices, lay the tissue paper over the area and use the paint brush to mold it into place.
  • Give the jar a final coat with glue and allow to dry.

candle craft2Adult: Light a tea light candle and carefully drop it into the jar. If it has an uneven base (making the candle tip and blow out) you can add some sand to level it.

Simple and fun activities that recycle the past and make something new and useful again: pretty much like the child abuse past of children’s lives really….out of things that have been used and pushed aside, beautiful and useful people can be restored :)

Many thanks to my Kewl friends for putting the method and photos together. You women have no idea how glad I am to have you in my life and in the wider sector of child protection.
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Preventing Burn Out

Preventing Burn Out: 5 Tips for Establishing Boundaries with Patients

This post was contributed by Tara Miller, who writes about the online psychology degree. She welcomes your feedback at TaraMillerr00 at yahoo.com

When working with children it’s easy to establish a bond, a fact that becomes even more evident with children who have emotional problems and are in desperate need of reassurance, care and kind adult caretakers. In these situations, many professionals may find themselves going beyond professional boundaries and getting deeply and emotionally involved with patients. While this is not to say that these kind of connections should be avoided altogether, they can lead to professional burn out and the stress and emotional toll they can take can be quite costly. There are ways you can help avoid this kind of burnout, however, and establish some clear professional boundaries with your patients.

1. Be strong. Even when you do establish boundaries with your patients that limit your emotional and personal involvement in their lives, there will be times when you are tempted to overstep those boundaries. Unless you believe a life is in danger, be strong and stick to your guns, otherwise you’ll never be able to regain your distance from the situation and be an effective doctor to your patients.

2. Be kind. Just because you have boundaries with your patients doesn’t mean you cannot treat them kindly and genuinely care about their well-being. In fact, this is an essential part of your job. But keep in mind that your kindness does not have to mean developing a bond with a patient that can be painful to break or maintain.

3. Understand that you can only do so much. You cannot rescue every child that walks through your door. You can help them, guide them, and lead them to happier lives but you cannot save them from what has happened to them or what will happen. Learn to understand that you can only extend yourself so far and don’t blame yourself for the paths that your patients choose.

4. Know what you can handle. Everyone has their limits and if you know that taking on a certain patient would cross yours it may be better to leave their treatment to someone else. This is not to say that you are not qualified only that you may not be able to see the situation clearly, which is unfair to the patient who deserves to be heard and evaluated impartially.

5. Learn how to say no. In order to maintain your own sanity, you need to have parts of your life that are purely personal and where your professional life cannot follow. Learn to tell your patients no if they demand appointments or call you at ridiculous hours. While they need good care, so do you and you are less useful to everyone if you’re miserable, emotional and exhausted. Unless you believe there is a serious risk of suicide or violence, sometimes saying no is the best thing you can do.

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Resources for workers: youth workers, social workers, psychologists, teachers, foster carers

Many requests for bringing back the list of professional resources has resulted in the page being displayed again: Resources for workers. I am using many of the short articles on trauma, brain development and attachment in my daily dealings with youth workers, foster carers and other professionals. Easy to use and understand, I hope they help you in your work too.

FREE for the taking, I only ask that when using my work (any articles written by Megan Bayliss), you give credit back to the Imaginif website.

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Megan in Bamaga following funeral

I’ve been home but a day and am again off. I am heading to the tip of Cape York, the most northern point of Australia: Bamaga. I return to Cairns late on Thursday in time for my grand motherly duties on Friday.

Many people have contacted to ensure my positive mental health following the death of my foster children’s mother. I am fine and both kids are doing well. Saying our goodbyes in person was a most therapeutic thing to do. Their mother’s funeral is this morning and Dayle is still in Brisbane so that she can attend and bring any belongings home with her. Richard and I both returned home earlier because there was nothing further we could do.

Just to prove that it was not all doom, gloom and heart break while we were away, here’s a couple of pics of myself and then Richard (my ex foster son who is now 20) playing Captain Kangaroo in the park where their mother was found deceased.

Megan fighting the Kangaroo

Richard being knocked out by the Kangaroo

Even in the midst of grief, abandonment, revisited attachment disordered behaviour and despair, positive interactions with others and a little fun is paramount to recovery and ongoing functional mental health. However, you do not want to see the pics of us all shortly after these photos were taken. When we came upon the spot where the kids mother was found in the park, the mood was entirely different to that pictured here.

Do not forget that The Teddy Tour needs help. Teddies help heal those affected by sexual abuse.

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