How to talk to clients about domestic violence
December 28, 2009 by Megan · Leave a Comment
With under 2 weeks to the launch of our Peer Supervision forum and recruitment agency for workers in the human services, I am busy making training videos for members (have you joined our mail list yet to be in the draw for FREE membership).
The first series of videos will be on domestic violence:
- What is the cycle of violence and how to explain to to clients
- How to stop the cycle of violence (clear communication and emotional intelligence)
- How children learn the cycle of violence.
Here’s a funny thing that happened just before I began to seriously record the training videos: My darling husband wandered in to sweep my office…and I couldn’t resist the opportunity for a pretend dig about domestic violence (he had no idea that the web cam was on). This is proof that house work causes domestic violence (WARNING….he swears at me):
Disclaimer: My husband IS NOT a perpetrator of Domestic Violence and he IS my house work hero (he’s heaps better at it than I am 
)
If you work with people under a social justice framework then our peer supervision forum and recruitment agency is for you. No matter where you live in the world, let us service your peer supervision, study at home training and global recruitment needs. Launches Jan 8, 2010. Join our mail list to get two free gifts, first release offers and for a chance to win FREE membership…and maybe even get your floor swept by my darling
How to stop kids from fighting with each other
August 16, 2009 by Megan · Leave a Comment
My work with parents and foster carers, and my job as a Mum, tells me that everywhere, all over the world, parents worry about the fights between their children. Parents and foster carers often tell me that siblings fight: fight like wild animals and there must be something seriously wrong with them to fight like that.
We all fight. Fighting is an inbuilt part of our natural reactions to danger (fight or flight response). Cave man did it beautifully – he knew when to run away and he knew when to fight. But, we are not living n caves and no matter how much our little darlings may act like Neanderthals, they are not cave men! They will still fight, but they need to learn civilised rules around fighting.
To stop kids fighting like animals, teach them the rules of fighting fairly.
One of the great differences between function and dysfunction is that function has rules and discipline around those rules. Dysfunction doesn’t know what the rules are so it makes up its own and then forgets what the rules are because not everyone else is following them and reminding dysfunction what they are.
To stop sibling groups, or any children, fighting to the death like two cave men, teach them the civilized rules of fair fighting and remember to model them yourself. There’s no point insisting that brothers and sisters stop fighting if Mum and Dad are continually fighting like uncivilised children is there!!
The rules for fair fighting:
- Find out the problem
- Attack the problem NOT the person
- Listen to each other
- Care about each other’s feelings
- You are responsible for what you say and do.
If you seriously want to stop the children from fighting like animals then teach them the above simple rules around fighting fairly. Become obsessively repetitive so that the above rules are embedded into family culture and your children’s brains. Violent (hitting, scratching, spitting, throwing) and abusive (yes, mean words are abusive) fighting is not okay but fair fighting means that differences are dealt with WITHOUT being mean and horrid.
Changing old habits and old ways of doing things is hard, but so is listening to siblings fight day in and day out. You are the adult, take control and introduce the rules for fair fighting. Become the adjudicator of the fight: find out what the problem is, speak sternly about the problem if needed, listen to all sides of the argument around the problem, really care about your children’s feelings and show that care (a hug, a head nod) and mean what you say because you are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth – if you lose it and yell, be responsible for being as immature as your mini cave men.
Conflict resolution is BIG business so why not train your kids up now and help them gain the upper hand in solving violence, aggression and dealing with anger appropriately.
Here is a “Fighting Fairly” handout to put on your wall
(I have it on mine, right near the dining table where EVERYONE can see it).
Have a read of the Anger Volcano too so that you know what’s under children’s anger.
Matthew Johns and his sexual violence in ball sports
There is no statute of limitation on sexual assault or rape in Australia. At any time, unwanted sexual encounters can come back to bite you. The recent case of seven year old accusations involving Cronulla (Sydney Australia) MULTIPLE players against one young New Zealand woman (19) is an example of how you can hide for a while but that the goal will always find the net. Despite that the alleged offence occurred in New Zealand, the alleged offenders were Australian…and many of them high profile Australian.
Matthew Johns is an Australian sporting and media icon: a representative of all things good in Australia – until now. Today he wears the sad reflection on how bad ball games can take up unwanted air space. As a result of his involvement in the alleged gang rape of the 19 year old woman, seven years ago, Matthew Johns has been ball dropped by his employer, Channel Nine, and several major sponsors are considering the revocation of NRL sponsorship. Good for them.
While Matthew Johns is nothing more than a figure head, just one of many so called sports people involved in the alleged gang rape of a 19 year old women, he mascots for his past team and his game. He has become the public face of NRL and therefore bears the brunt of actions allegedly performed by his team mates – some of them perhaps even more high profile than Johns was at the time.
Matthew Johns admitted bedroom behaviour has been voyeuristic, disgusting toward the worth of women, unethical and immoral to the maximum. Matthew John’s unwillingness to publicly name the other team mates involved is perhaps testament to the strength of the NRL code of silence between team brothers rather than an expected code for all of us to be ethical at all times. Hello Neanderthals – major public health campaigns around Australia encourage telling someone about sexual violence – are you Australian or what!?
I am glad this public and metaphorical crucifixion has happened, albeit that I feel humiliated and desperate for the family of Matthew John’s (credit to Matthew Johns for his public apology and confession though). The incident is a hit fair to the balls of a male Australian sporting culture that considers many women as objects. I am appalled at the level of violence in organised sport in Australia and I am even more appalled at the assimilation of that violence into sexual encounters renamed as consensual and acceptable. It is time to grow up boys, get your knuckles out of the dirt, lift your sloping foreheads up and catch up with a world that does not support violence against women.
Whether the young woman consented to initial sex with one, two or three players is irrelevant. Two hours of continuous sex with multiple and unknown players is hardly the act of consent. I can only ask each of you big he men, when was the last time you performed sex continually for 2 hours? For other players to stand and watch the act of continuous sexual assault is just as bad. It is immoral and I will never again watch you on the screen. You have done your dash with me and I am left with NO respect toward NRL at all.
Australian male sporting heroes: hang your heads in shame at your fellow field ball sportsmen. I am disgusted and even more determined not to follow your unethical, pathetic attempts at being big men. Keep your balls to the field because that’s the only place they work. You do not have the balls to be real men so step aside and play with yourselves.
I call for a huge movement against the use of sexual assault as an organised sport. It is time to speak out citizens of the world. Are you for sport or are you for sexual assault. Draw the line in the sand and kick your goal. Kick where it hurts, right in the balls of the NRL field.
I will NEVER AGAIN watch NRL. No amount of PR, marketing or propaganda rhetoric will change it. In my mind, the sport is dead. And Channel Nine’s The Footy Show…move over, how pathetic was that pat on the back to Matthew Johns from Fatty Vautin? You also score zero airing on the televisions in this house. The line is drawn.
End violence against women. END NRL...you’ve got no balls anyway.
Wipe out sexual violence – wipe out NRL to start with.
Congratulations and thank you to Sarah Furgeson and Four Corners on Code of Silence.
Violence on TV and in Computer games
April 2, 2009 by Megan · 4 Comments
Does violence on TV and in computer games affect our children? Way back when, in first year psychology, I was involved in a group study on the topic. The results were fairly conclusive but individual and subjective views were varied. What do you think from a parental perspective – does viewing violent actions or hearing violent phrases affect your children?
What happens to kids after watching Popeye beat Bluto to a spinach pulp? What happens to your little darling after enacting a World of War Craft raid? Does their behaviour change? Do their words change? I know that when I swear, my youngest son always asks if he’s allowed to swear now!!!!!!
A lot of people will answer that, yes, viewing and hearing violence does affect our children. Certainly in my career and line of work, witnessing of domestic violence is a child protection concern and there is much documented evidence of the psychosocial affect of domestic violence on child witnesses.
For those that answer yes, violence on TV and in computer games does affect our children, I want you to consider the converse: whether viewing images of positivity, success, joy and compassion also affects our children.
The law of attraction (one of the universal laws) maintains that we get what we focus on: if we focus (watch) violence then we get more violence in our lives. Conversely, if we focus on joy, happiness, success, peace, then we get more of those riches in our lives.
Therefore, if visual violence on TV and in computer games affects our children then too surely does the visualising of what we want.
Give your children a gift: teach them how to visualise and manifest all the good in the world. We bargained with our son when he wanted a drum kit. I suggested that if he watched The Secret all the way through and learnt about manifestation of desires then I would go to the music shop with him to look at and price drum kits. That drum kit has now changed to a guitar and I am certain that he will be holding his new guitar before too long.
Violence on TV affects our children but so too does holding visual images of the things they desire. Which affect will you choose I wonder?
Learn about visualisation and manifestation in a study at home life improvement course. We bought just one package ($1,495 US – it’s a multi media package with journal, workbook, CD’s, DVD and supportive systems) and the entire family works their way through it. A life time course, it is the best family investment we have made. Interested, buy it here and change your children’s life for the better.
You may be interested in more learning about visualisation and life change:
How to visualise yourself healthy and wealthy
Visualise your goals with emotional intelligence
Change your life by visualising your ideal day
If men are part of the problem then 1000 men are part of the solution. Good men needed in Cairns
Billy Ross, program manager at ACT for Kids, Cairns, has always been a bit of a dude. Billy Ross, organiser of the 1000 Man March is now a SUPER HERO in my books. Not because there is a finally a man doing something to motivate other men at a community level, but because Billy is doing something different. Go, Billy.
Billy is organising a 1000 man march to support the white ribbon organization. The White Ribbon Campaign is the first global male led campaign to end violence against women. They encourage men to take a stand and say that violence, in any form, is never acceptable. The White Ribbon Campaign represents the convergence of two global campaigns focused on violence against women.
The world over, White Ribbon day flutters on November 25th. This day marks both the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and starts the first day of the ongoing White Ribbon Campaign.
In Cairns, the 1000 men march will be held on Saturday the 22nd of November. Although focused on men taking responsibility and acting against the gendered nature of violence against women, women and children are welcome to attend and march.
I’ll be watching which men turn up. I wonder who is going to get blogged about on Imaginif? Maybe I’ll make a list of 1000 Cairns blokes that did not march to help end violence against women.
When: Saturday 22nd November 2008
Where: The Esplanade, Pirate Ship.
Time: Registration begins at 11.30am
March starts: 12.00
Concludes: Sound Shell, Fogarty Park ^@3.00pm
Registration: Donation
Enquiries: Billy Ross 0407 794 900 billyr@actforkids.com
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