Sexual abuse and long-term survival
October 31, 2007
Sexual abuse has a drastic effect on physical, emotional, cognitive and sexual development. It can leave both physical and emotional scars.
Sexual abuse disrupts the attachment cycle, making it difficult to build future trusting relationships with other people; “How can I attach to another person after I’ve been violated?”
One way that young people survive sexual abuse is to disassociate from what is happening to them. Thinking about it is too painful. Survivors hope that maybe, if they don’t allow themselves to dwell on the event, the memories will magically fade away.
Unfortunately, time does not heal all wounds. Time won’t push you forward. If you take a passive roll in your healing, time will go on, but you will be left standing in that same scarred and scary place.
Survivors of sexual abuse might wind up as workers in the sex trade. They serve as strippers or prostitutes, in an attempt to exert power over the very area that has caused them the most harm.
Other survivors masquerade as super-women (or super-men). They maintain a high level of activity, hoping that the nightmares and flashbacks will fade away.
Life is made up of events and the emotions connected to them. We cannot disassociate from emotions in the long term. They come creeping back into our lives, in the form of intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and nightmares.
Telling the complete details is painful because, in that telling, survivors re-experience some of the same scary emotions that they felt when this violation first happened to them.
And yet, the only way to get over the abuse is to work through it. You have to deal with that painful part of yourself - and there is power when you give voice to things that have traumatized you.
This is why sexual abuse survivor Cece Norwood calls her organization Nirvana Now. By the time sexual abuse survivors are ready to seek help, they want instant healing and immediate results. It is difficult to summon up the emotional energy necessary for the road ahead.
The road to recovery might include traditional counseling, involvement in a support group or partnering up with a life coach.
It is important to be picky when choosing a therapist. An inexperienced counselor might open up a Pandora’s Box of memories during the first session and then saying, “Sorry, our time is up.”
For people who require financial assistance to receive medical care, this limits the amount of options available. The counselor might be inexperienced, in an entry level position, with plans to move in on the near future. Perhaps he or she is fresh out of graduate school and “experimenting” with ideas from their professor, rather than being experienced in counseling sexual abuse survivors.
After attaining her Masters in Counseling, Cece Norwood has made it her life’s work to assist survivors in their journey toward hope and wholeness. Having met her in person, and even co-presented a workshop with her, I want to promote her as one of the foremost authorities on recovering from sexual abuse.
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2 Responses to “Sexual abuse and long-term survival”
Got something to say about the above post or child safety in general?
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I am a african american who is a survivor of child sex abuse by my fathyer. I wish we had some kind of support group where I live in Virginia.
Marie, I am sure that Lisa will do a search to see what is available close to you. Perhaps Lisa, you could leave the contact here in case Marie checks back in.
In the mean time though, you are more than welcome to join our safety talk forum (and there’s a chance to win $250.00 cash too). We have a section for survivors of sexual assault and you can chat to other women also affected by incest.
I am sorry that you experienced child sexual abuse. To experience it at the hands of a parent though, is unforgivable. Parents are supposed to love and care for children so abuse from them is always much worse. My thoughts are with you Marie.