Not all male family bloggers are sex offenders
April 19, 2008 by Megan · 14 Comments
One in three children are said to be sexually abused (prevalence statistic). Eighty five percent of child sexual abuse is said to be perpetrated by somebody well known to the child. Sex offenders are said to abuse many, many children in their career as a child abuser. Child sexual assault is perpetrated by men and women but is still referred to as a gendered crime, meaning that many more of one gender (male) perpetrate sex crimes than the other gender (female).
Are all men child sex abusers? No. There are many men, most men actually, who would never consider hurting or using a child for sexual acts. Unfortunately, we have become so wary that many people view everyone else suspiciously. I agree and advocate that vigilance, emotional intelligence and safety needs to be enacted at all times, but, we must all balance our vigilance with knowing that not all people are child abusers.
Recent posts on the alleged registered sex offender who blogs as a family blogger and my call for vigilance (who are you really talking to) may have caused a degree of cognitive dissonance and caused some second guessing of male, family bloggers. NOT ALL MEN ARE CHILD ABUSERS and not all male family bloggers are deviant. None of us will ever really know the internal tickings and motivations of our blogger friends and acquaintances just as we will never really know whether our family members, neighbours, community pillars are child abusers. Therefore, why boycott male family bloggers on the off chance that they may be an abuser – our best (real time) mates could be abusers and we just don’t know it.
There is so much secrecy surrounding child abuse that perpetrators feed off it and love the conquer and divide of previously close knit groups: groups like our blogging communities. It is called grooming. A perpetrator not only grooms their victim into accepting and accommodating abusive behaviour, the perpetrator also grooms those around the victim. Perpetrators are clever and operate from a different mind set that most of us do.
If we all stop blogging or visiting other sites because we are scared that the other person may be a sex predator, then offenders win: offenders succeed in their conquer and divide, diversion of fact and focused vigilance and they manage to continue their abuse unnoticed. If a predator visits us and drops their entrecard or asks to advertise on our sites, we are not at fault of not knowing they are a predator – predators are at fault for being sneaky and manipulative. Predators may well love this game and love to scream blue murder when suspicions are cast or allegations are made against them. I urge you all, do not stop visiting or using the Web 2.0 applications that you currently do. There is strength in numbers and community. We now know who the alleged sex predator is (thanks to his victim’s disclosure) and I have drawn my boundaries very close (I will not accept his entrecard advertising requests) but will still use the forums and Web 2.0 platforms that I have always enjoyed.
Our (edited) community is highly ethical and has a high proportion of professional people blogging. Helpful like you would not believe, our community bends over to help others and to protect. One of the reasons I still blog is because of the amazing professionalism I have found in those communities. But just as life imitates art, so too does the blogosphere imitate life – there will always be the odd blogger that casts doubt and suspicion on other bloggers.
Not all male family bloggers are bad. Not all (edited) bloggers are perverts. Please do not remove applications like Entrecard or stop visiting blogs of people you do not know. That is exactly what gives perpetrators more power. Take their power away by talking openly about child protection and a blogging zero tolerance of violence against children.
Who is with me in not changing blogging habits because one family blogger is alleged to be a sex offender? Prevention and togetherness, not isolation, is our aim.
Some interesting statistics on child sexual abuse:
Incest Myths
Telling it like it is (love this site)
Child Sexual Abuse 1: An overview
Sex Abuse Haunts Half of all Women
Child Sexual Abuse: Understanding and Responding
Child Abuse Statistics (March 2008)
MAKO Sex Offenders list (incomplete). Lists many, not all, Australian sex offenders
About Megan
Megan,
anything that divides us plays into the hands of those who profit from that division.
It can now be said that all male members of the Aussie Bloggers Forum are under suspicion as alleged pedophiles. We have gone out of our way to make the forums a safe and comfortable environment for women, to the point of driving some overly ockerish men away.
This probably won’t help to retain the positive male bloggers.
Attack the pedophiles by all means, but I think I speak on behalf of all male bloggers everywhere when I say that a little more specificity would go a long way.
Best regards, Andrew
Hi Andrew
lovely to have you here.
Yes, I share your concerns but I can only reiterate that the Aussie Bloggers forum is an excellent forum and that it is a safe place I choose to use.
Aussie Bloggers forum has acted in accordance with the law – they now know who the alleged sex offender is but, like me, they cannot make his name public just yet.
His victim has disclosed and I am seeking either a copy of a sentence report or newspaper clipping that may name said blogger. Once I have that, he fails to be an alleged sex offender and I will publicly name him.
His avatar appears to have disappeared from entrecard….his presence there was a real concern to me because there is a category for kid bloggers.
Police were notified by me the moment I found out that said blogger was an alleged sex offender and police took it seriously…it was the fact that he was selling himself as a family blogger, without an appropriate disclosure of his past alleged offences and his current sex offender registration status that greatly alarmed me.
Andrew I want to be specific but until I can, I will not break the law.
Hey Andrew and Megan
Thankyou for your comments, concerns and further information.
It is unfortunate that the said blogger has raised an alarm for the decent male blogger oartipants within our blog community. However I think we, the men and women of the blog community need to remain strong and ever vigilant in our approach to child and public safety whilst this wave of concern is being addressed.
I hope the said blogger can be named publicly very soon.
Communities of conscience can make a difference.
Birdwing
I believe in being cautious, while not living in fear.
I am the victim of sexual assault and I made up my mind a long time ago to live my life the way I want to live it. I still remain vigilant in not doing stupid things, but I will continue to blog and do what I always have. I will not avoid sites, in fact today I made it a point to drop cards on the blogs in question because I have no idea which person it is and I wanted to be supportive of the others.
Leisa congratulations. That is exactly how we should be able to move around – freely but with vigilance. If you dropped a card on his site or he drops a card on yours…it is not your fault. I agree, the other bloggers need support.
I will not allow one dubious and alleged person to interrupt my love of blogging and social networks…and it certainly hasn’t made me suspicious of the other male bloggers.
Keran, I love the term “communities of conscience.” Despite some rather alarming emails I have received, my conscience is fine. I actually consider that I have acted to child protection principles and in support of my child focused business model. I have not accused all men of being predators, I have merely raised caution about who we may be talking to. I agree with you, we must stay strong and together.
I want to say thank you again Megan, for raising the alarm and reminding me that everyone is not always who they say they are.
In light of this alleged sex offenders presence among blogs, rather than become suspicious of every male blogger, I’ve thought more carefully about the content of my own blog and the information I am choosing to make publicly available.
Thanks A. Your reaction to my alarm is mature and evidence of you having an internal locus of control (something perpetrators often lack). Rest assured that I would do all I could to ever protect your kewl babies.
Hi Andrew, you talk about division and you talk about profit.
Corporate governance and social responsibility principals address division of duties and obligations in the context of making profits in a quadruple bottom line environment.
This environment is the optimum environment in which to acheive enduring commercial, social and community benefits to the enterprise and the community at large.
Go back and read all the posts Andrew.
If you think you speak for all male bloggers, you are misinformed, perhaps subtley inadequate and out of control.
Division, profit, balance, or puppet !!!!
Think for yourself and do your best to do your best.
Megan, you are handling this situation in a responsible, mature and legal way. The RIGHT way! In no way have you cast dispersions upon male bloggers in general, so ignore those misinformed and clueless people who are bombarding you with hate emails and such.
The moment that necessary legal documents are received, Megan has said she will publicly name the offender. Megan, keep doing what you’re doing, and so will I.
Hi Paul,
I did read the posts.
The “profit” I spoke of had nothing to do with money. I apologise for not making this clearer.
Megan made the allegations about a member of the Aussie Bloggers Forum 2 months before it came to the attention of the admins there (of which I am one). The allegations (as yet unsubstantiated) have since been repeated as fact on other blogs and discussed on Twitter. We’ve worked hard to make the forums into what they are now. That one of the less involved is now working to destroy what we have built is distressing for all of us. If anyone is out of control, I do not think it is me.
I am thinking for myself – I am not sure that the same may be said for those who will not disclose their relationships with people associated with this blog.
Best regards, Andrew
Let’s not forget the point here – There IS someone out of control – There is an alleged child abuser doing the rounds of family blogs! Speaking up two months before the admins at Aussie Bloggers Forum were informed means that family bloggers had two months more warning. I for one am very thankful for the posts I did not publish about my three young girls in those two months. I am also glad that discussions have taken place about this issue! Hooray! People are speaking out against child abuse! If allegations have been misinterpreted as facts, why not continue the discussion – instead of fighting it!
People have a right to be alerted to predators, alleged or not. It is up to them how they handle the information. I am sorry that other male bloggers feel they are under suspicion and Andrew, I am sorry that you feel people are working to destroy Aussie Bloggers Forum. One of the strongest messages I’ve received from both recent posts and recent comments is the importance of communities coming together and supporting one another. Yes, there is an alleged sex offender out there, so, to repeat the wise words already spoken here, we need to be “cautious – while not living in fear” and “vigilant in not doing stupid things.”
I understand a lot of hard work goes into creating great online communities. I would hope that the current situation could be seen as an opportunity for discussion, for the community to come together and form a united front against child abuse. Focussing on damage and wrong doing and hurt feelings – well, that seems counter productive to me.
Thank you Megan, for putting the safety of children first and for helping me to protect my girls. I admire your courage and the respect you have for the people who really matter.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Issues like this will always draw polarised opinions and are subject to emotive responses – please – let the authorities do their job. This has been reported and we have been having ongoing discussions with the authorities since Feb. It remains alleged until the authorities make it otherwise or tell me I can pass names on. I am not that authority and I do not yet have permission.
Hey Megan
I have learned never be afraid in life, nor be oppressed by those who seek power by inappropriate means. Stand firm and strong, woman of conscience and substance.
Birdwing
Anyone in or around Sydney who would like to join a support group for males who have been sexually abused can email sydneysupportgroup (at) gmail.com
There is no point in waiting for help to come to you, chances are it wont. You need to help yourself. They way to do that is by contacting the above email or contacting a Sexual Assault Service. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but YOU have to do the work. All you men out there who are suffering because of a sexual assault, have the courage, say to yourself that this is bullshit, and do something positive. Remember: it was not your fault.