Helping children cope in the aftermath of trauma

Sunshine Girl On A Rainy Day

Megan Bayliss has recently written two excellent articles on the effects of childhood trauma and its aftermath upon the attachment styles of children. As Megan points out, the best protection against trauma is prevention.

Sadly, trauma sometimes has a way of entering children’s lives unexpectedly. The death of a parent. A car accident. A natural disaster. A divorce.

As adults, we can handle trauma better than children, because we have often established a base of happier memories and experiences from the past. This gives us hope for a better future, even in the face of chaos.

Police officers, who often face trauma as a part of their daily work environment rely upon the following model, created by Laurence Miller, Ph.D. to assist with Law Enforcement Traumatic Stress.

1.) Fact Phase: What happened?
2.) Thought Phase: What went through your mind?
3.) Reaction phase: What was the worst part of this incident for you?
4.) Symptom Phase: What symptoms have you been experiencing since the incident?
5.) Re-entry phase: Plan to avoid these situations or better handle them in the future. Seek assistance from others.

But, for a child, everything is “now.” They are still developing their perceptions of the world around them. Depending upon their current situation, such as entry into the child welfare system, children may or may not find the assistance that they are seeking from others. Children might not even know how to ask for the help that they need.

It is vital for the adults in traumatized children’s lives to recognize the way that their responses to children can help or harm them. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics:

1.) Caregivers need to be aware of their own mental/emotional health: Children depend on the adults around them to feel safe and secure. If you are very anxious or angry, the children in your care are likely to be more affected by your emotional state than by your words.

2.) Watch for stress-related symptoms, such as depression, irritability, sleep disturbances, nightmares, changes in appetite, social withdrawal; reenacting out the traumatic event and hyperactivity.

3.) Do not avoid discussing the event. Not to talk about it makes that event even more threatening in a child’s mind. Silence suggests that what has happened is too horrible for words. Listen for misinformation, misconceptions, and underlying fears or concerns.

4.) Explain the events as simply and directly as possible. Encourage children to ask questions, and answer those questions directly. Like adults, children are better able to cope with a crisis if they feel they understand it. The amount of information that will be helpful to a child depends upon his or her age. Older children often request more details.

5.) Do not prolong the discussion if the child appears to have had enough. Give him or her time to physically calm down, and to mentally and emotionally process the situation. Be available and extend multiple invitations for discussion. Provide an increased physical and emotional presence as you wait for the child to be ready to accept those invitations.

As adults, we have the capability to set our own emotions aside in order to concentrate on the needs of the children in our care. We can strive to create a protective environment for children, whether we are a parent, foster parent, social worker, judge, attorney, teacher, or day care provider. When a child is experiencing chaos, we can be an anchor in their lives to help them from floating off-course during the turbulent waves of trauma.

That’s my challenge as a stepparent and as an advocate for current/former foster children.  And that is the challenge that I am extending to others.