Domestic violence and sexual assault is domestic terrorism
April 3, 2008
Two delightful children played in my office while parent was with another talk doctor. The children looked up at the artwork (a beautiful tea towel from the Abused Child Trust) on my wall. “Who drew those?” biggest girl asked.
Kids love to know about other kids and kids usually like to help other kids (this is a healthy sign of empathy development). I explained that the pictures had been drawn by children abused by adults. Curious about why parents may hurt children, the two delightful little girls listened intently as I further explained what domestic violence and child abuse was.
Motivated to help, the little ones wanted to write letters to the hurt children. I suggested that perhaps the best thing to do was to always talk up about “at home bad secrets.” I explained that the more kids talk about horrible things that happen to them, the quicker other kids will also catch onto knowing that 1) dobbing on adults is okay, and that 2) bad secrets make brains like scrambled eggs - all messed up and lumpy inside the head.
Breaking secrecy and openly discussing domestic terrorism (all types of violence against children in the home) lets other people know that child safety is indeed serious business and that child abuse just will not be tolerated. Many parents worry that discussions like such will damage their children’s innocence and spoil childhood. Think of those children who were born into spoilt innocence and non existent childhoods. Did you know that prevalence of child sexual abuse is said to be one in three! Where’s their innocence gone? What if someone had told them it’s okay to talk about yucky secret stuff at home? Think of those children who play with your children - how many of them have survived an act of domestic terrorism? Do those wee survivors know that they can talk to you about anything and that your home is a place of safety?
Child abuse happens because it can. Our house and offices are a child abuse free zone. Our office is clearly a place where domestic terrorism discussions can freely occur without shame or judgement. All I had to do to start a learning discussion was to have a Tea Towel hanging on my office wall.
Protective play is all about capitalising on teachable moments and easily allowing discussions to occur. Will you protectively play or will you allow domestic terrorism to go unchallenged?
Further child safety competition reading (judged today) from other committed bloggers who believe in child safety and child protection:
Child safety - remembering that I am the adult
Launching Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse Series
Dunkelziffer Tentacles Creeping Us Out for sake of Child Safety
Today is blog against sexual violence day. As protective adults, we need to take the issue out of the blogosphere and into our homes: I urge you to not only blog about the issue but to also have a protective discussion with your children. Wondering where and how to start? Use “Parent Sense” as a guide of how to broach the subject of safety. Please do not wait. Remember that children get abused because the sexual predators can get to them. Knowledge is power and protection. Protect your child today through play. It is very easy and non threatening.
Fellow Cairns Blogger, Andrew Griffiths, is not only a world renowned Marketing guru but is also Ambassador for the Abused Child Trust. In support of those who devote their time to raising consciousness about child abuse, visit Andrew today on Blog Against Sexual Violence day.
Comments
4 Responses to “Domestic violence and sexual assault is domestic terrorism”
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Thanks for providing practical tips which help children be able to tell about the bad stuff. Thanks for participating in the BASV day.
Megan,
I have so much respect for the work you do on these important issues. The information you provide parents is so helpful, and I’m happy to be able to provide similar information about child sexual abuse and the things parents need to know.
My next post will deal with child sexual abuse, and will explain why I am so adamant about bringing this information to parents, since so many continue to have the views that it’s easy to identify signs of sexual abuse in children and it just isn’t.
I always pick up something new from your posts. I love “bad secrets make out brain like scrambled eggs”. It also reminds me that it is important to take the opportunities that arise to reinforce protective behaviours as they come along. Thanks Megan.
PQ.
Marcella from Abyss2hope - ty for everything you do for sexual violence. Solidarity will breed a culture of zero tolerance and I am privileged to be in contact with strong women like yourself.
Lin - I’m really looking forward to your next post. I hope you are able to reach parents and to help them appreciate that it is not easy to recognise sexual assault. Predators are very clever and work hard to groom, isolate and reduce visibility. Predators groom everyone around the child and introduce doubt and disbelief. There are few parents who have recognised sexual abuse but many parents who too quickly fall into “mother blame” by pointing an accusatory finger and screaming that the parent must have known. The only people responsible for sexual assault are the perpetrators.
PG - I wrote a creative short story once on scrambled egg brains. I read it to all participants at protective play parties that I used to run. Parents really seemed to get it. One of the reasons I love your work so much is because you speak in parent terms. To reach parents and assist them, we have to be able to speak their language, not jargon heavy professional language. Thank you PQ for taking the time to include child safety issues in your daily blogs.