Be the change you want, hero day June 13
May 15, 2008
Children do not have super hero powers. Children cannot stop adults from abusing them. It is an adults job to look after kids and keep kids safe because adults are big and sensible and protective.
Some adults just look big and sensible and protective. In the middle of the night though they turn into monsters with super human abilities - the ability to force a child to accommodate sexual abuse and to stay silent about it.
In come the heroes: you and I. In the middle of our nights, and days, we can use our super vision powers to be the hero that abused children only ever dare to dream about seeing - a person who can help stop bad things from happening to little, powerless people.
Thank God we have national heroes like the Australian Childhood Foundation. Thanks to support from little heroes like us, the Australian Childhood Foundation can don their huge cape of protection and fly all over Australia making sure that abused kids are comforted and looked after. The foundation also does research, education and they help support families to stay together because non abusive family and kids belong together. But, this takes a lot of money and the foundation is not funded by the Government - they are a charity.
These big fella Australian Childhood Foundation heroes need help from each of us smaller heroes. On June 13, it is Childhood Hero Day. The Australian Childhood Foundation is selling capes and badges and they ask each of us to please wear them on June 13 as an outward sign of our super commitment toward a culture of zero tolerance toward child abuse. I have already ordered our capes and badges and I urge you to join me in hero dress on June 13. You can buy your super hero capes or badges here.
As well as having purchased the fundraising merchandise to wear on June 13, Imaginif will be making a donation as part of our corporate social responsibility policy. We understand that not everybody can afford to buy merchandise or make a donation. As a blogger and contributor toward creating social change, here’s an alternative you may well be interested in:
Spread the hero word through the blogosphere: Write a post about Childhood Hero Day on June 13 and link back to this post. On top of Imaginif’s corporate donation, I will also donate a dollar for each blog post that positively supports Childhood Hero Day (that’s why you have to link back to this post - so I can track how many thousands I’ll have to give to the Australian Childhood Foundation).
Make your own donation to Childhood Hero Day here
Buy a cape or badge here
Find out more about Childhood Hero Day here
Find out more about the Australian Childhood Foundation here.
People already blogging about Hero Day (please let me know via trackback or comment so I can add your post here too):
Heroes Dig Australian Childhood Foundations
Childhood Hero Day June 13
Childhood Hero Day June 13 (Jean Burman, Cairns artist)
Childhood Hero Day (Three Times Kewl)
Sex predators groom against child protection
May 5, 2008
“Brush you hair to make yourself look nice.” It’s almost a universal statement from the club of parenthood. Grooming and presentation of our children is fairly important to most of us. Who sends their child to school looking like they belong to no-one?!
While personal grooming is generally considered to be good, grooming is also a process of desensitization that sex predators use on children. A sex predator will use grooming to make themselves look nice and to prepare and trick a child into accepting sexual abuse. Grooming is not child protection: it is a process used to keep children quiet about child sexual abuse.
Once a sex predator has gained a child’s trust and confidence, the predator begins to use everyday behaviours; like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips, to test whether the child is likely to tell on them. Most children do not tell because they are confused about what the trusted person just did. Satisfied that the child won’t tell, the predator moves onto other forms of touching: bad touching. If the child still doesn’t tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum from non contact to contact and often ending with penetration and sometimes even homicide (extreme cases).
Just as we groom ourselves before going out to make us look presentable, predators often groom themselves as wonderful, caring people. They may involve themselves in your family’s life and they often do great things in the community. This is a trick. This is their grooming game. This is their way of being open about being sneaky and of gaining more access to your child and more trust from you. The child sex abusers often set themselves up to be high profile in a community and they spend a lot of energy in ensuring their good standing and innocence. They can sometimes be the person that we would first approach to baby-sit while we go to dinner. They are so good with the kids, so loving and protective, so eager to assist.
The grooming process can take many months, and includes grooming adults around the child: you and me. The child’s support networks are groomed to disbelieve any thing the child may say about inappropriate, strange occurrences or bad touches. The child sex predator may try to win adult confidence and support by having some quick conversations with you about a lie the child told or they may even suggest that there’s something unbalanced about your child. The predators do it so caringly and openly portray their concern and willingness to support you. The quick comments may well be true. The child may have lied or may even be acting out of character. But, just remember that if a child lies once it doesn’t doom them to an eternal cycle of lying. If ever your child says they’ve been abused, always believe them, even if you think it’s impossible. Remember, your thoughts of impossibility may be because you’ve been groomed.
Research suggests that approximately eighty-five percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child: somebody that has access to your child on an ongoing basis. This may suggest that the grooming has become so entrenched into our daily life that we fail to recognize it as grooming. Child sex abusers need access to children and the family home is a great place to find kids.
Sometimes innocent and protective mothers are married to the perpetrators and do not know it because the abuser has groomed the mother so well. Females too, sexually abuse, so sometimes it may be the mother than grooms the father. One thing to guard against though is mother blame. People will too often blame the mother saying that she must have known what was happening to her child. Often mother’s have no idea: they have been groomed to not believe and to allow sneaky behaviours to become normal.
Parents and grandparents generally love their children and want to protect them. If you know a family member, or anyone else, who may be abusing children you need to get them some help. The only way to get help is to tell someone in a position to act upon and stop the abuse: the police or child welfare authority in your state. You cannot assist, stop or change child sex perpetrators because you would do so at the risk of the child. Failure to protect children is as bad as abusing the child yourself.
Much research suggests that child sex abusers, sex predators or pedophiles do not abuse just one child: they abuse many. By failing to protect one child, you fail to protect other children. Please report (police or child welfare body) if a child discloses sexual assault or if you suspect that someone you know is abusing a child.
In this age of global unrest and terrorism, we are quick to act on suspicious activity. We try to prevent further acts of terror by recognizing the warning signs and intervening before something happens. Child sexual abuse is domestic terrorism and the abuser’s acts of terrorism affect our children for many years to come. Prevent the infiltration of domestic terrorism by recognizing the grooming process and stopping it now. Report and protect children. Child protection is every body’s responsibility.
This article first appeared in a similar form at families.com as
The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.
Related child protection articles:
Protect Kids from Sexual Predators by Using Correct Names for Private Parts.
Brush up on Good Touch/Bad Touch
Family Talk - A Way to Prevent Child Abuse
Five Simple BITSS to help Keep Kids Safe
Teaching about Touch through Protective Play
BITSS of Touch
When normal child sexual development becomes abnormal
May 2, 2008
Cairns schools are under the political and child safety spot light: School sex assault enquiry. It seems that small children are sexually assaulting other children in the playground. Not normal development by any stretch of the imagination, but I wonder what has happened to those children to act out sexually violent like that?
Some Cairns parents have had enough and want action. The relevant Government Departments have stated they are working overtime to investigate and sort the situation. But what will happen: tomorrow, next week, next month? With so many children being traumatically sexualised at home and the massive under reporting versus proof dynamic that exists with sexual assault, it is difficult for legal interventions to occur and for the spate of children acting out their traumatic sexualisation on other children to cease. What can we do as individuals to help stop childhood assaults?
Surely it is time to stop expecting other people to protect our children all the time. Child protection is every body’s business. Child protection is a community responsibility. This means that each of us have a role to play in protecting children from harm. Even children we do not know and in schools we’ve never heard of.
Knowledge and talking about child abuse is but one small thing we can each do to keep children’s business as serious business. To me, child protection is serious business. Child protection is what I do, every single day. I know there are many of you out there that share the passion for child safety. What’s your views on kids sexually assaulting other kids at school?
My view is: Stop with the blame of schools, teachers, Departments, bad parenting, out of control society, mother blame, etc. Blame does not stop child abuse until the blame is placed exactly where it belongs - on the shoulders of those adults who are sexually abusing our children. But, appropriate blame must then be followed up with useful and helpful action - legal and acceptable action that encourages changed behaviour. A community empowered to enact a zero tolerance of child abuse is a community that cares about their future and about the early intervention required to stop young offender/victims growing into older, seasoned sex predators.
You can help stop child abuse by educating yourself and by knowing what is not appropriate sexual development in early childhood? If we view sexual development as a set of traffic lights that turn from green (acceptable and go ahead behaviour) through to amber (warning, warning, proceed with caution) and red (NO, STOP, UNACCEPTABLE), it is easier to know when to be concerned that normal childhood development is going askew.
Knowledge of acceptable sexual development is first a savior though. The more you know and understand, the less likely you will be to freak out when something developmentally normal happens and to take appropriate action when something abnormal occurs. Amber and red light sexual behaviours in children require concern and action (report to someone who can help support you). Sexual development is a natural part of a child growing up. However, some behaviors step over the boundary of acceptable and suggest something else may be going on.
Here’s some articles that you may find helpful:
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? Introduction.
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Three to Five-Year-Olds.
What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Five to Eight Year Olds.
What is NOT Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood.
Who is responsible for child protection? Smile, in case it is you.
What’s you views on kids sexually assaulting other kids?
Photo courtesy of scol22 at stock.exchange
Media releases on sex offenders
April 20, 2008
Here’s two very interesting, fairly recent, Media releases on sex offenders:
GOVERNMENT TOUGH ON SEX OFFENDERS: SPENCE. Ummmm…has alleged sex offender family blogger breached his reporting obligations or provided false or misleading information to authorities? I wonder if authorities were aware of his “family focused” internet movements before I contacted the police? It would be interesting to know if he is obligated to disclose his alleged sex offender registered status on his family advice blog.
Messenger ignores the experts on sex offender management. This has provided me additional food for thought. If I do have his status confirmed, disclose alleged offenders name, and he goes underground, there may well be no online police monitoring of his activities. I already know that alleged offender has been looked at - is this then enough? I will not break the law but I will not allow a child to be placed at risk either (thank goodness I reported when I first became aware - it pays to know your ethical and child protection responsibilities as an online content provider). This media release has given me some real food for thought and created a further critical analysis of the entire situation. His victim is also concerned that he may go underground. This is a very good point to ponder.
What’s your thoughts? Do you think registered sex offenders should be publicly named? Why / why not.
Not all male family bloggers are sex offenders
April 19, 2008
One in three children are said to be sexually abused (prevalence statistic). Eighty five percent of child sexual abuse is said to be perpetrated by somebody well known to the child. Sex offenders are said to abuse many, many children in their career as a child abuser. Child sexual assault is perpetrated by men and women but is still referred to as a gendered crime, meaning that many more of one gender (male) perpetrate sex crimes than the other gender (female).
Are all men child sex abusers? No. There are many men, most men actually, who would never consider hurting or using a child for sexual acts. Unfortunately, we have become so wary that many people view everyone else suspiciously. I agree and advocate that vigilance, emotional intelligence and safety needs to be enacted at all times, but, we must all balance our vigilance with knowing that not all people are child abusers.
Recent posts on the alleged registered sex offender who blogs as a family blogger and my call for vigilance (who are you really talking to) may have caused a degree of cognitive dissonance and caused some second guessing of male, family bloggers. NOT ALL MEN ARE CHILD ABUSERS and not all male family bloggers are deviant. None of us will ever really know the internal tickings and motivations of our blogger friends and acquaintances just as we will never really know whether our family members, neighbours, community pillars are child abusers. Therefore, why boycott male family bloggers on the off chance that they may be an abuser - our best (real time) mates could be abusers and we just don’t know it.
There is so much secrecy surrounding child abuse that perpetrators feed off it and love the conquer and divide of previously close knit groups: groups like our blogging communities. It is called grooming. A perpetrator not only grooms their victim into accepting and accommodating abusive behaviour, the perpetrator also grooms those around the victim. Perpetrators are clever and operate from a different mind set that most of us do.
If we all stop blogging or visiting other sites because we are scared that the other person may be a sex predator, then offenders win: offenders succeed in their conquer and divide, diversion of fact and focused vigilance and they manage to continue their abuse unnoticed. If a predator visits us and drops their entrecard or asks to advertise on our sites, we are not at fault of not knowing they are a predator - predators are at fault for being sneaky and manipulative. Predators may well love this game and love to scream blue murder when suspicions are cast or allegations are made against them. I urge you all, do not stop visiting or using the Web 2.0 applications that you currently do. There is strength in numbers and community. We now know who the alleged sex predator is (thanks to his victim’s disclosure) and I have drawn my boundaries very close (I will not accept his entrecard advertising requests) but will still use the forums and Web 2.0 platforms that I have always enjoyed.
Our (edited) community is highly ethical and has a high proportion of professional people blogging. Helpful like you would not believe, our community bends over to help others and to protect. One of the reasons I still blog is because of the amazing professionalism I have found in those communities. But just as life imitates art, so too does the blogosphere imitate life - there will always be the odd blogger that casts doubt and suspicion on other bloggers.
Not all male family bloggers are bad. Not all (edited) bloggers are perverts. Please do not remove applications like Entrecard or stop visiting blogs of people you do not know. That is exactly what gives perpetrators more power. Take their power away by talking openly about child protection and a blogging zero tolerance of violence against children.
Who is with me in not changing blogging habits because one family blogger is alleged to be a sex offender? Prevention and togetherness, not isolation, is our aim.
Some interesting statistics on child sexual abuse:
Incest Myths
Telling it like it is (love this site)
Child Sexual Abuse 1: An overview
Sex Abuse Haunts Half of all Women
Child Sexual Abuse: Understanding and Responding
Child Abuse Statistics (March 2008)
MAKO Sex Offenders list (incomplete). Lists many, not all, Australian sex offenders
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