Emotional Guidance Scale
March 14, 2010 by Megan · Leave a Comment
Twelve months ago I posted mainly around self development. Nowadays I am posting on supervision and assuming a degree of self and professional development. However, it is most helpful to revisit strategies that have previously assisted. Here’s one of the most helpful self development reminders I have used:
Emotional Guidance
It is possible to change your emotional set point and to position yourself for quicker and positive life change. My years as a therapist support that many people do not have alternative feelings to reach toward though. Not only do some people have a constipated emotional vocabulary they also have no previous experience of positive feeling and have no idea where they fall on a scale of emotional guidance.
Are you intimate with your feelings? Where are you on the scale of emotional intelligence and guidance?
- Joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation
- Passion
- Enthusiasm, eagerness, happiness
- Positive expectation, belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration, irritation, impatience
- Overwhelment
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred, rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity, guilt, unworthiness
- Fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness.
While these labels are merely words, it is the feelings associated with the words on the higher end of the scale that have the ability to change our lives for the better. When you consciously reach for a higher feeling, your immediate state of feeling is improved.
Having a sample of happy memories to recall helps to move the focus away when you become aware of a lower scale feeling. If you are feeling angry for example, consciously think of a time when….[insert own positive thought...]
Are you happy to stay as a bottom scale feeder or are you rising to the top of the world?
Want to learn more about feelings? Here’s two FREE resources for you:
Emotional Guidance Scale from: E & J Hicks, 2008. Manifest your desires. Hay House:Sydney
Fashion for brainy people
March 13, 2010 by Megan · Leave a Comment
Brainy people by Lusi at Stock Exchange.
How many people are picky about what they think?
Consistent research supports that thinking positively and living an hedonistic life (focusing on what brings you pleasure) is the quickest way to good health, mental stability, peaceful solutions and, yes, wealth.
Today I am carefully choosing what to dress my brain up in. I am thinking thoughts of wealth, health, longevity and peace.
What’s your brain wearing?
Bravery in shaking boots
March 7, 2010 by Megan · Leave a Comment
I am brave. I do what I say I am going to do. I do not let inferior hurdles hold me back, and because I am short and have a short complex, I do not recognise big hurdles as being real. I like that in me. I am a go-geter.
I work 50 zillion hours too much and have had a very rough week….my personal emails haven’t been touched and my web site has been left to it’s own devises. Crawling into bed in the evening I am pretty much too tired to kiss the man lying beside me (damn, but I hope it’s been the same man each night!).
The old adage, “ask a busy person,” I asked of myself.
“What do you want to do, Megan Bayliss? What do you really want to be when you grow up.”
Damn, but I wish I wouldn’t answer back so quick!!!!!!! I have just enrolled in a Master of Arts (Writing). 
Your mind can only entertain one thought at a time.
Make it a positive one and stay a positive person.
How to make yourself feel better at any given moment
November 15, 2009 by Megan · Leave a Comment
Want to know how to change from feeling CRAP to feeling great? With practice it’s easy.
- Get emotionally intelligent. Get to know the feelings words that describe how you feel. If you always say you feel crap what does that really mean. Does it mean you feel like a big brown soppy dog turd on the footpath or does it mean you are feeling really down, like crying, lacking motivation and thinking bad thoughts all the time? Here’s some more reading about getting emotionally intelligent. If you’re really serious about change, then try this short article too: Emotional Intelligence 101.
- Practice, practice, practice, using clear communication to firstly identify your feeling, secondly give your feeling a proper feeling name (crap isn’t a proper feeling, actually, it’s a piece of excrement….yuk….I don’t want to feel like crap!) and thirdly verbalise exactly how you are feeling. There are degrees of feeling and it is the emotionally intelligent person who understands those degrees. Even crap comes with degrees: runny crap, hard crap, wormy crap, smelly crap – if you are smart then you’ll describe exactly what sort of crap you feel like! Here’s some more reading about using clear communication to express how you really feel.
- Possibly the most important step in moving from crap to helpful manure that encourages growth and big fat blooms is to
purposely move yourself up the emotional scale whenever you recognise that you are feeling more lowly than you need to.
Yes, it is possible to change your emotional set point and to make yourself feel better in any moment. Here’s the scale of emotional guidance (you’re aiming for being in number one spot):
- Joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation
- Passion
- Enthusiasm, eagerness, happiness
- Positive expectation, belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration, irritation, impatience
- Overwhelment
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred, rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity, guilt, unworthiness
- Fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness.
While these labels are merely words, it is the feelings associated with the words on the higher end of the scale that have the ability to change our lives for the better. When you consciously reach for a higher feeling, your immediate state of feeling is improved.
Having a sample of happy memories to recall helps to move the focus away when you become aware of a lower scale feeling. If you are feeling angry for example, consciously think of a time when….[insert own positive thought...]
Are you happy to stay at the bottom of the emotional intelligence class? I didn’t think so. Here’s what you’ve got to do:
Step 1: Get emotionally intelligent
Step 2: Use clear communication – I feel….when you…..because…..
Step 3: Move yourself up the emotional scale whenever you recognise that you are feeling more lowly than you need to.
Want to learn more about feelings? Here’s two FREE resources for you:
Emotional Guidance Scale from: E & J Hicks, 2008. Manifest your desires. Hay House:Sydney
How to build rapport and actively listen to someone
Have you ever wanted to talk to someone and spent ages going over what you should say, how you should say it, and where you should say it? If yes you are attempting to set up rapport with another person.
Rapport is :
one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being “in sync” with, or being “on the same wavelength” as the person with whom you are talking. From Wikipedia
Building quick rapport is about being a good listener, but, a good listener listens not just with their ears but with their ears, their eyes and their knowledge. A good listener listens to body language and takes into account where the other person may have come from and what their experiences may have been (psychological noise). Further, a good listener puts aside their own assumptions, values, judgements and wants (your own psychological noise)
There is a very basic counselling technique called Active Listening. Active listening uses three steps and makes use of all the listening senses: ears, eyes, thoughts, values and understandings. Active listening is made super easy by utilising a simple way of effective attending called SOLER. Both active listening and effective attending (SOLER) are explained below.
Active Listening:
- “Being there” skills to show that you are listening: SOLER (see below for the SOLER steps)
- Be aware of and minimise your own psychological noise (your self talk: assumptions/self talk/beliefs/sensitivities), the thiongs that stop you from being a good listener (for me it is often smell…I find it difficult to actively listen when the other person stinks).
- Recognise and understand the psychological noise (socio/geo/political context) of the other person. What might be their triggers, their background, their way of surviving in the world?
SOLER (effective attending):
S Sit Square on (face the other person or be in a position where you can at least look at the other person)
O Open body language says you want to and are ready to talk.
L Lean slightly forward. Check out how young lovers talk to each other over a table at a coffee shop – they lean toward each other, telling each other they are interested.
E Eye contact is a sign to tell people you are talking and deeply listening to them.
R Relax. Relaxed body language is far more likely to encourage someone to talk with you than an uptight, I’m busy, body.
Do you think you are a good listener? Good listening, active listening, is hard work because it uses much more than just our ears. The reason we have two ears and just one mouth is because it is twice as hard to listen than it is to speak! Remember that next time you are pretending to listen to someone.
Here’s some short articles that may help make you a better listener and friend:
Building rapport with people
The elements of active listening for child safety
Psychological Noise
Use this article as a training handout: How to build rapport and effectively attend
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