Dick or penis, sex or bunks? Protective words work.
August 14, 2008
Have you ever wondered if correct terminology for private parts is remembered by children and is a useful protection tool?
Well, Grandmas like me don’t know everything..apparently….
Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
‘Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?’
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth.
‘It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.’
Little Tony said, ‘Oh, OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
‘Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse, it’s called bunk beds.
And Jimmy’s mum wants to talk to you.’
Unknown copyright - arrived via email.
Paul received an email the other day of a big fat bald man sitting in a pool. The highly suggestive picture was entitled, There’s a dickhead in the pool. From photography angel, the shot did look like the end of a penis poking up through the water.
Boy was looking over Paul’s shoulder, saw the graphic and read the words.
“That’s not a dick,” he said. “It’s a penis!”
Touche! Out of the mouth of babes.
No worries, baby (guest post by Jade)
August 12, 2008
I had a baby four weeks ago. She is perfect, beautiful, amazing, more than I could ever have imagined. However, I have also spent the last four weeks listening to non stop negativity from just about every place I go. Family and friends, strangers, news and websites, books and magazines all put so much focus on the “challenge” of raising children.
I have no doubt that after just four weeks Amelie, Mark and I have many tears and tantrums ahead of us but I am looking forward to every single day. Everywhere I go there seems to be someone asking how horrible the birth was, how little she sleeps, how much she cries, does she have Colic or Reflux, do I have post natal depression, has the cost of having a baby set in yet, am I itching to go back to work, are we finding breastfeeding easy, is my husband lazy and uninterested, someone is always hovering over my shoulder waiting for me to crack and admit that this bloody baby is too hard!
I’m sick of it. Having a baby should be the best time of ones life but it seems the bad bits are all anyone puts focus on. Do we get off on other peoples misery or what? Of course some of these points are valid and conditions like Post Natal Depression are very real and serious for lots of people. I just don’t understand why it has to be the first question we ask. How about a little bit of positive reinforcement? “She is beautiful, motherhood is agreeing with you.” “You are doing a great job, she looks great.”
I spent so much time wondering when my baby would start becoming a burden to me like all of these people would suggest and I wasted precious moments with my little girl ready to succumb and join the benevolent parent pack. I realised that she won’t, because I won’t let her!
Now, what I thought was an inevitable descent into the ghastly throes of parenthood, I believe, has made me a better mum and wife. It has opened my eyes to how easy it is to blame, fault, criticise and resent someone. Even if that someone is your own precious creation.
I’m not denying there are days when it is easier to cry than laugh when raising children, I saw my mum go through some pretty tough times over the years and as I type this my baby is wriggling in bed beside me in pain because she has reflux (does anyone have a remedy), but next time I have a chat with a parent, I will make a conscious decision to give my positive reflection on being a mum and humour the tricky bits.
Happy parents raise happy children and in the interests of child protection I urge you, parent or not, to be upbeat and optimistic about the next generation too!
Adoption, attachment and the making of therapy pets
August 11, 2008
Imaginif has made a commitment and we have adopted Misty and Bluey, from the Young Animal Protection Society (YAPS), to act as therapy pets and watch dogs at Imaginif (picture below as dogs say goodbye to Jess from YAPS).
It is well recognised that early trauma can affect a child’s ability to securely attach to a care giver and others. What about dogs though? What does trauma do to their attachment? Would it prevent Misty and Bluey from working as therapy dogs for traumatised children?
At Imaginif we retrain parents and foster carers in re intuitive parenting of children with attachment disordered behaviour. We train the carers to guess what the child may need prior to the child having to ask, demand or act out and to continually restate house rules in a calm manner. This is similar to parenting a wee baby unable to verbalise their needs or guess our routine. Would it work with a traumatised dog?
Attachment parenting from birth recognises what a baby may need (by their cry, time of day, environmental responses, etc) and acts to fill the need to keep the baby safe, secure and content. Some carers find the process acceptable for babies but silly for big kids and refuse to engage in re intuitive parenting for 12 year olds (they can just ask if they want something). Without early needs of attachment ever met (even at age 12), those are the children that go on to have broken placement after broken placement. Never allowed to feel secure and cared for, the child does not have an opportunity to work through their trauma and separation issues in a supportive and responsive environment. Therefore, their trauma comes out as bad behaviour rather than words that help heal themselves. Are dogs any different to this process?
We recently fostered two dogs from YAPS. Abandoned and scheduled to be euthanased by the Council, YAPS rescued the dogs from their death sentence and endeavoured to rehouse the dogs together. I wanted to rehome, but could I cope with it. What if the dogs turned vicious because of their trauma of interrupted attachment? What if I took them and it all turned pear shaped? Would I further harm the dogs by rejecting them?
Emotionally wary and concerned of the cost and commitment of caring for two dogs, let alone one, Imaginif fostered for one week while we made a committed and informed decision to adopt. While we were assured that the dogs were of placid nature and got along with little people, my head was swimming with the real behavioural and psychological affects of people abandonment and abuse. Given we are busy at Imaginif, deal daily with traumatised children and adults and live in the city, the last thing we wanted was to further traumatise two emotionally constipated dogs who entered pound land through no fault of their own. On top of that, I did not want a dog to growl, bark, and bite or savage an already traumatised child at Imaginif.
Stop being a therapist, Megan Bayliss! Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and certainly a dog is just a dog! Some dogs may well react because of their abandonment and severed attachment but these dogs obviously had a solid start to life (if only we could manage that for all children) because they appear relatively unaffected by their abandonment. Mind you, they follow me around likes rats and the Pied Piper.
Attachment began on day one of the foster placement. After a little second guessing on both sides, dogs and humans fell into line together. As the major carer, I took immediate control (boss woman) and set the parameters. Used to the process of re intuitive parenting, I intuitively guessed the dog’s needs (pats, pees and positives) without becoming overly soft and babying the dogs. The rules have continually been restated (thanks to spray bottles and squirts of water in the face when dogs bark or jump on furniture – DO NOT parent a child like that though) and praise has been afforded at every opportunity (DO parent a child like that).
While I am not a walker, I am now walking dogs and playing a lot of ball in the back yard (below adoption day party games with boy child)…not dissimilar to the hundreds of games I’ve played with children when all I wanted to do was go back to my computer! We are off to dog counselling (obedience classes) and I am prepared to put the work into behavioural modification (therapy) should issues arise. Why: because I have made an informed and responsible attachment decision to rehome two homeless dogs.
Child and adult clients at Imaginif have welcomed Misty and Bluey with open arms. The dog’s sad stories of being left for dead has positively affected therapeutic conversations around what people need, how to overcome grief issues and what it is like to attach to another person or animal. Without doing more than wag, smile and be hugged, Misty and Bluey are working as therapy dogs and helping to heal children from the abuse that big people have perpetrated against children.
Imaginif has made a firm commitment and we have adopted the beautiful Misty and Bluey from YAPS. The therapy dogs are here to stay. Welcome Misty and Bluey Imaginif…we love you.
Mema and Pelepa love Amelie
August 7, 2008
Can you believe that we all dressed in red with dark trousers this morning! It wasn’t until we took the photo that we noticed. Is that a sign of a passionate family perhaps?????
How to cope with change
June 25, 2008
Coping with change is an issue that drives many people to therapy. Me too! Lucky I’ve got two other therapists here to therapise me.
At Imaginif, we have begun the packing process, cleaning process, moving process and….. the insanity process. Agggghhhhhh!!!! There, that feels better 
because I am managing my emotion rather than allow my emotions to become overwhelmed with the constant and demanding change.
Change is somewhat scary and threatening to many. Just as emotions have to be managed, so too does change. If a person can manage to get out of bed and live this hectic life, then they are already managing. If they can manage life, they can manage change, because life changes: constantly.
To manage change, it needs to be seen as a task. The task is then broken into smaller tasks - little parts that can be worked on, one at a time if needed. The completion of each mini sub task is an achievement, an act of management, a success.
Change is constant in life; a good thing or we’d all die of boredom. Unfortunately, what is not always so good is negative thoughts (stinkin’ thinkin’) about change. If your thoughts are telling you that you cannot cope, then you may not. If your thoughts are telling you that you can manage this change by breaking it into small, easily achievable parts then you will no doubt cope with the change.
Moving, divorce and death are all changes that rate high on the stress scale. We are moving, we are stressed, but I don’t think any of us are contemplating divorce or death. Why? Because we are managing our change. We are coping with a stressful situation by breaking the days into smaller moving tasks.
Apart from coping with change, what is different at Imaginif?
Talk doctor Rebekah did the last training at 206 Jensen St yesterday. She still has some clients booked in but apart from that, we are preparing to move to our new premises at 30 James St.
Rebekah and I are both going to have some time off from scheduled appointments: no new counselling, supervision, training or consultations until we kick off at the new place on July 14. Talk doctor Fran (just back from a six week holiday in the Mediterranean) will be working on Palm Island for a week so she’s out of the office anyway (lucky woman - that’s a great way to manage ).
And….when we are firmly entrenched at 30 James Street, we are going to offer telephone counselling. Many people find it difficult to physically access a counsellor. Issues of access, mobility and often even depression or toxic shame prevent some people from thriving in a therapeutic relationship. We have heard this from the many people who ring or email and we are providing you a service that suits your needs. Talk doctor Fran will become the designated life coach telephone counsellor and sessions will be at half the rate of a face to face session. No matter where you live in Australia now, you can access the fantastic therapeutic services available at Imaginif. Sign up for our newsletter so that you do not miss announcements and special deals surrounding this new service.
Want to change manage your anger? Know this:
The Anger Volcano: Anger is a secondary emotion.
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