Why you need to teach your kids about safety and protection from child sex abusers
BITSS of Protective Behaviours is a play program designed by Megan Bayliss from Imaginif.
Innocence spoilt or innocence preserved? Parents the world over debate against anyone teaching their children about that disgusting and perverted sex stuff: “When should I start teaching my child about Protective Behaviours? Not now surely. They’re only seven,” or “I don’t need to teach my child about Protective Behaviours because my child is safe” are claims that I have heard for years.
The shocking prevalence statistics are that one in three Australian children are sexually assaulted by the time they are 18. The average age of disclosure on of sexual assault in Australia is age 9. Eighty five percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child.
One in three! One in three!!!!! That is innocence spoilt. That is disgusting. That predators are having in home access to our children is disgusting. Our kids are at a higher risk of good old Uncle Lester abusing them than of having Dennis Ferguson move into the same street.
Perpetrators sexually assault because they can….because they have access to our children….because we have failed to pre educate, to proactively protect and tell our children that NOBODY is allowed to touch their private parts and ask for it to be kept secret.
What do I need to do to be a protective parent:
Start to teach your child about Protective Behaviours today. No matter what age your child, they are neither too young or too old to start learning about protective behaviours. New baby or college student, if you have a child or young person in your care, it is time to protect them from possible (probable even when you look at the prevalence statistic of 1 in 3) harm.
Protective Behaviours are not about teaching sex, smut and rot. Protective behaviours are a common sense approach to keeping ourselves safe under all circumstances. While is it NEVER a child’s job to protect themselves (it is our job as their loving parent), Protective Behaviors provides the child with a plan of what to do, who to go to for help, and when they should go to that safe person.
Protective Behaviours are things that most parents teach their children. Wear a hat for sun safety; Wear shoes for protection from cuts and parasites; Do not take drugs; Do not leave your drinks uncovered because of the possibility of drink spiking, etc, etc. What parent has not schooled their child in some sort of safety?
Yet personal safety, protective behaviours, about our body (particularly our private parts) is an area that many parents shy away from. Many parents see protective behaviours as scary, rude or unnecessary. Many parents insist that protective behaviours (often wrongly renamed as sex education by ignorant parents) be taught only at home and never at school in the classroom.
From the time our babies begin to learn songs about body parts (Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes) we leave out the importance of our private parts: our vagina, penis, anus, or breasts. At age three, our children are already internalising that those parts are not to be mentioned. Sexual predators LOVE this. They love a child who will keep their mouth shut: a child who will be too embarrassed to tell parents about what somebody did or said to them. Our children need to know before they go to Kindergarten or start learning body part songs that it is not rude to call their private parts by the correct name. They need to know that it is okay to talk about those parts and that sometimes big people try to trick children into keeping secrets about private parts. People who do that are nasty and need to be told on.
BITSS are important letters (reminders for the teachable moments) to include in everyday play with your children, no matter what their age:
- Body ownership,
- Intuition,
- Touch,
- Say No,
- Support Network.
By using these bits of play letters, every day, you will reduce the chance that your child will remain silent if someone tries to sexually abuse them.
Using play (or discussion for teenagers) you will find teachable moments to use any one, or all, of the BITSS letters. Play is children’s work. It is through BITSS of play that they will learn about self-protection, how to tell someone if something does happen to them and how to say “no.” You probably already help protect your children against sexual assault, but, they need gentle, daily, reminders of what to do: preferably from the time they are newborns.
BITSS play provides you with some fun ways to remind. Use these bits of information in everyday activities (bathing, nappy changing, making sandwiches, reading, playing together, etc) so that your children continually hear the BITSS required in keeping them safe from child sexual assault.
You may also find these articles helpful:
Understanding Protective Behaviours in Keeping Children Safe.
Are Children’s Books Providing them with Enough Advice?
Five Simple Bits to Help Keep Kids Safe.
Protect Kids from Sexual Predators. Use Correct Names for Private Parts.
BITSS of Protective Behaviours
For God’s sake. If you are a common sense parent will you PLEASE protect your children.
FREE How to Blog manual
Want to blog for business or personal but don’t know where to start? I have prepared a non technical e-manual for beginners: An easy step by step plan on all you need to know to get blogging with wordpress.
Here’s what is in the How to blog manual:
- A welcome note from Megan Bayliss
- Blogging as a business tool
- Important & helpful how to blog links. Copy & paste into web browser address bar
- Acronyms
- What is a blog
- What is a blog post
- How to start a blog
- Domain name
- Hosting space
- Theme (website look or skin)
- Colours
- Logos
- Pictures
- Plugins
- Spiders
- Key words
- Writing a blog post
- Categories and Tags
- Length and language of blog posts
- Titles on blogs
- Sub titles within blog posts
- Photos on blog posts
- Links within your post
- Pre publish your blog post
- Comments
- Comment Moderation
- To leave a comment
- Widgets
- How to insert an image in a Widget
- Stats
- Blog Roll
- Web site or Blog promotion
- IP and ISP
- IP Blacklisting
- Get a Feed – an RSS feed
- How to monetise your site
- Blog and web site development at Imaginif
- Passwords
- Notes 27
You can begin blogging immediately with the help of my plain speak blogging tutorial. All I ask is that you leave me a comment if you download this manual and let me know when your blog is up so that I can come and visit. If you found the How to Blog manual helpful, link back to this page so that others can find it too.
Freud’s contribution to the bedroom and my Freudian slips
Are you a Freudian Slipper? I sure know that I suffer from foot and mouth disease – every time I open my mouth I put my foot in it! But regardless of my personal inadequacies, I overcompensate with my Freudian humour. How’s this for a slip up:
Freudian Slippers available from the Freud Museum.
The perfect Christmas gift for the therapist in your life.
How to make yourself feel better at any given moment
Want to know how to change from feeling CRAP to feeling great? With practice it’s easy.
- Get emotionally intelligent. Get to know the feelings words that describe how you feel. If you always say you feel crap what does that really mean. Does it mean you feel like a big brown soppy dog turd on the footpath or does it mean you are feeling really down, like crying, lacking motivation and thinking bad thoughts all the time? Here’s some more reading about getting emotionally intelligent. If you’re really serious about change, then try this short article too: Emotional Intelligence 101.
- Practice, practice, practice, using clear communication to firstly identify your feeling, secondly give your feeling a proper feeling name (crap isn’t a proper feeling, actually, it’s a piece of excrement….yuk….I don’t want to feel like crap!) and thirdly verbalise exactly how you are feeling. There are degrees of feeling and it is the emotionally intelligent person who understands those degrees. Even crap comes with degrees: runny crap, hard crap, wormy crap, smelly crap – if you are smart then you’ll describe exactly what sort of crap you feel like! Here’s some more reading about using clear communication to express how you really feel.
- Possibly the most important step in moving from crap to helpful manure that encourages growth and big fat blooms is to
purposely move yourself up the emotional scale whenever you recognise that you are feeling more lowly than you need to.
Yes, it is possible to change your emotional set point and to make yourself feel better in any moment. Here’s the scale of emotional guidance (you’re aiming for being in number one spot):
- Joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation
- Passion
- Enthusiasm, eagerness, happiness
- Positive expectation, belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration, irritation, impatience
- Overwhelment
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred, rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity, guilt, unworthiness
- Fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness.
While these labels are merely words, it is the feelings associated with the words on the higher end of the scale that have the ability to change our lives for the better. When you consciously reach for a higher feeling, your immediate state of feeling is improved.
Having a sample of happy memories to recall helps to move the focus away when you become aware of a lower scale feeling. If you are feeling angry for example, consciously think of a time when….[insert own positive thought...]
Are you happy to stay at the bottom of the emotional intelligence class? I didn’t think so. Here’s what you’ve got to do:
Step 1: Get emotionally intelligent
Step 2: Use clear communication – I feel….when you…..because…..
Step 3: Move yourself up the emotional scale whenever you recognise that you are feeling more lowly than you need to.
Want to learn more about feelings? Here’s two FREE resources for you:
Emotional Guidance Scale from: E & J Hicks, 2008. Manifest your desires. Hay House:Sydney
Articles and training material about child behaviour and family issues
The following short articles are socio educative handouts for use with families. You are welcome to print them out as many times as you want. However, if you copy or include in other documents, please ensure that the copyright notice always stays in place to Imaginif imaginif.com.au.
Handouts for client work
(copyright 2008 Imaginif www.imaginif.com.au)
Art Therapy with Collage and Story Telling
Children learn the cycle of violence from parents
Dress up box to solve child trauma
Effect of trauma on secure attachment
Emotional Intelligence and feeling words
How to change in two easy steps
Issues in traumatised children with attachment problems
Learning ability in traumatised children
Life Story work with kids in care
Private parts and what to call them
Ten steps to counselling children
What can I do to help foster children who steal and lie
What is a personal practice model
