It is a sad fact that many people do not care about other people. Worse than that even is that the people who do care and want to do something to help others, often do not know how to approach people and start a conversation.

Oh my goodness! Where have our people skills disappeared to!?

I used to teach part time at University. I taught Professional Development and Interpersonal skills to Social Work students. I loved it because the students taught me a lot…the students taught me that interacting respectfully with people is definitely a skill that everyone can learn.

Do you know how to strike up a conversation with someone? Do you know how to approach them, make them feel comfortable enough to talk with you and do you know how to respond to what ever they might say? This is the process of building rapport and it can be learnt…but only if you are interested in being a decent human being!

We are living in troubled times and many people want someone to talk to. What these people really want is someone to listen to them.  Are you a listener? Listening is hard…the reason we have two ears and only one mouth is because it is twice as hard to listen than it is to talk. But…you may never reach the honour of listening to somebody’s story (and it is an honour – listening to the intimate details of a person’s life is akin to that person trusting you with their family heirloom) until you first build instant rapport and let the person know you are a listener.

Building rapport is easy. Building rapport is about taking a guess at what might make the other person feel comfortable or good. I often comment on the cashier’s hair when I am at the check out. “Love your hair,” I will offer from nowhere. “Thanks,” they might reply without looking up at me and smiling. A persistent beast, I continue until I get that smile and know that rapport has been established and my random act of kindness for the day achieved. “That colour is delicious. Did that cost you a fortune at a hair dresser?” Eye contact and a smile achieved, I know I have helped the cashier change from her boring, “I can’t wait to go home” thoughts to more positive thoughts of, “I look good…somebody noticed…somebody didn’t complain for once”.

Thinking positively changes lives. Feeling positive is a side effect of thinking positively. Feeling positive changes the universe! I’m all for building a little rapport and helping to make them feel positive, recognised or listened to.

Dare you to try it. Bet you haven’t got the gumption to make another person’s day.

Here’s some short articles that may help you build rapport and become a better listener (listening is not just done with our ears you know…to listen effectively you will use all your senses: your eyes, your smell, your thoughts and your emotional intelligence – your intuition).

How to listen
You are what you feel
Fishing for feelings
Emotional Intelligence and feeling words
10 steps to counselling children
Feeling Faces – How Does Your Inner Child Feel Today?
Feeling Words

Recommendation for the best self development product I have used: I sure wish I had access to the Beyond Freedom course when I was teaching Social Work subjects at University. It is very, very good and I would have ensured that my students had copies of some of the exercises. I thoroughly recommend this 90- day study at home self development course for those who are prepared to change their life and the life of those around them. It is the best I have ever seen.