So Sexy So Soon. What parents can do to protect their kids

SO SEXY
SO SOON
The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents
Can Do to Protect Their Kids

by

Diane E. Levin, Ph.D. and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D.

(this is a book review)

In an age of wild girls and bad boys, this is the first book that helps parents understand how sexualization affects children of all ages and genders AND tells them what to do about it.

Praise from Dr Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia:

“This book is powerful and profoundly useful. It is packed with great stories and poignant examples of the stress children face in our sex-soaked culture. Best of all, the authors offer sane and practical solutions for all of us who want to make things better for children, parents, schools and the culture at large.”

Praise from Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabees:

“If you want to make the world safe for both the boys and girls you care about, you must read this book. Kilbourne and Levin show you a way to transform the world for your children – and make you feel empowered in the process.”

Thong panties, padded bras, and risqué Halloween costumes for young girls. T-shirts that boast “Chick Magnet” for toddler boys. Sexy content on almost every television channel, as well as in books, movies, video games, and even cartoons. Hot young female pop stars wearing provocative clothing and dancing suggestively while singing songs with sexual and sometimes violent lyrics. These products are marketed aggressively to our children; these stars are held up for our young daughters to emulate – and for our sons to see as objects of desire.

SO SEXY SO SOON: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids (Ballantine Books; $25.00) is a powerful antidote to this stepped up assault on childhood and the way it effects our kids’ vulnerable psyches. Written by Diane Levin, Ph.D., and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., internationally recognized experts on the impact of the media on children and teens, it is the first book that helps parents understand how sexualization affects children of all ages and genders and tells them what to do about it.

For children today, learning about sex too soon isn’t the issue. The problem is the synthetic and cynical source of a child’s information. Popular culture and technology inundate our children with an onslaught of mixed messages at earlier ages than ever and without the emotional sophistication to understand what they are doing and seeing, kids are getting into increasing trouble emotionally and socially. These images influence how children feel about their bodies and their sexuality and how they think about gender and relationships. Some may even to engage in precocious sexual behavior. We are left with little girls wanting to go on diets so they can be “sexy,” little boys getting suspended from school for sexual harassment, and parents in desperate need of guidance. Finally, there is help.

SO SEXY SO SOON is an invaluable and practical guide for parents who are fed up, confused, and even scared by what their kids—or their kids’ friends—do and say. Levin and Kilbourne understand that saying no to commercial culture—TV, movies, toys, Internet access, and video games—isn’t a realistic or viable option for most families. Instead they give parents the information, skills, and confidence they need to play a proactive role with their children around sexual issues.The book includes poignant stories that demonstrate how our kids internalize what they see and hear, guidelines and sample conversations for talking with kids about these sensitive subjects, and offers practical strategies for counteracting the disturbing messages that bombard our children every day. For example:

• Help your children expand their imaginations by suggesting new ways for them to play with toys—for example, instead of “playing house” with dolls, they might send their toys on a backyard archeological adventure.
• Counteract the narrow gender stereotypes in today’s media: ask your son to help you cook; get your daughter outside to play ball.
• Share your values and concerns with other adults—relatives, parents of your children’s friends—and agree on how you’ll deal with TV and other media when your children are at one another’s houses.

Filled with savvy suggestions, helpful sample dialogues, and poignant true stories from families dealing with these issues, SO SEXY SO SOON provides parents with the information, skills, and confidence they need to discuss sensitive topics openly and effectively so their kids can just be kids.

About the authors:
Diane Levin, Ph.D., is a Professor of Education at Wheelock College Boston An internationally recognized expert who helps professionals and parents deal with the effects of violence, media and commercial culture on children, Levin is a Senior Advisor to the PBS parent’s website for girls, the co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children’s Entertainment, and the author or co-author of seven other books. She does over 25 major presentations a year and has appeared on “Good Morning America,” “Nightline,” and “Talk of the Nation.” She lives in Cambridge, MA

Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., is internationally recognized for her pioneering work on alcohol and tobacco advertising and the image of women in advertising and is the author of Can’t Buy My Love: How Advertising Changes the Way We Think and Feel. She gives over 80 lectures a year– the New York Times Magazine named her one of the three most popular speakers on college campuses– and her films (among them the award-winning Killing Us Softly), lectures, and television appearances have been seen by millions internationally A Senior Scholar at the Wellesley Centers for Women, she has been a guest on many shows including “The Today Show,” “20/20,” and “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” She lives in Newton, MA.

• Use media rating systems to help you decide what media is and is not okay.
• Work with your children to develop rules and routines about their TV watching and media use.

Keep up with children’s media and popular culture.

• Collect information from the children themselves.
• Make sure you look at the most popular items, at least a couple of times, so you are able to talk with your children about them.
• Learn from and share what you know with the parents of your children’s friends.
• Remember that, beyond media, it’s also important to keep up with the real- life experiences related to sex and sexiness, violence and commercialism that children have in the home, at school, and with friends.

Get beyond just saying “no.”

• When possible, try working out solutions with your children.
• When you do need to set limits or say “no,” try to do it in a constructive way—rather than a punitive way (by using your power over children to get your way).

Establish safe channels of communication with children.

• Let children know its okay to raise any and all issues with you, including sexual issues.
• As you talk to your children, keep in mind that having the right answers and responses is less important than getting used to talking about and sharing information about these issues.

Have meaningful conversations with children about sexual issues.

• Try not to blame children or make them feel guilty or ashamed when they do or say something that seems inappropriate.
• Try to take your child’s point of view and see the world through his or her eyes.
• Don’t always expect to know the perfect response instantly.
• When you respond to your child, take the age, prior experiences, specific needs, and unique concerns of your child into account.
• A good way to respond to an issue your child raises is to try to find out what he knows.

Help children use play and art to meet their needs.

• Try to have open-ended toys and play materials that can be used in many ways rather than highly structured toys (toys that come “with back-stories” like TV or movie-themed action figures or characters) that control children’s play.
• Help your child get beyond narrowly scripted play that is controlled by a TV or movie script, or highly structured play materials.

Reduce gender stereotypes.

• Encourage a broad range of interests and skills in both your girls and your boys.
• Choose toys and play materials that allow for a broad range of play activities instead of narrowly scripting it.
• Encourage girls and boys to find common ground for engaging in meaningful activities with each other, including play.
• Point out examples of males and females who are doing a broad range of activities, not just the limited range that children so often see in the media.
• Help boys and girls find appealing role models that provide alternative images to increasingly influential celebrity culture with its superstar icons

Teach children how to have positive relationships.

• Give your children many direct opportunities to experience positive and caring relationships at home and at school.
• Help children express and receive appropriate positive affection, both physical and otherwise, with appropriate people in their lives.
• Share stories about yourself and experiences you had at ages similar to your child’s age.

Create a give-and-take process for working out problems together.

• Talk about the problem together in a way that helps your child see both sides.
• Try to come up with one or more possible solutions that take into account both of your views.
• After your child has tried out the solution, talk together about how well it worked and decide what changes might be needed to make it work better next time.

Work cooperatively with other adults.

• Talk with other adults in your child’s life about concerns and how you are trying to address them.
• Talk about specific issues that have come up with your child and how you have worked on resolving them.
• Agree on how you’ll deal with TV and other media when your children are at each other’s houses.

Help parents and schools work together.

• Build parent-teacher relationships based on mutual respect and collaboration.
• Share concerns with each other when problems come up in the classroom with individual children or a larger group.
• Work to create a school-wide community that makes dealing with the sexualization of childhood a community-wide affair.
• You can ask your children’s teachers and school to keep parents informed about issues that come up in school related to the sexualized culture and what is being done about them.

Buy the book, So Sexy So Soon. The New Sexualised Childhood and What Parents can do to Protect their Kids, for further parenting tips on counteracting the sexualisation of teenagers.

Similar Imaginif articles on the sexualisation of children:

Corporate Pedophilia

Revealing Children’s Fashion

Jay Jays is the Little Loser