To smack or not to smack
February 24, 2008
Seventy percent of Australian parents believe that smacking children is acceptable. Along with former chief justice of the Family Court, Alastair Nicholson, I am a minority: Smacking ‘could help create bullies, bashers’
What do you think? Is smacking a child an acceptable form of child discipline?
Here’s some other brief reading to help you make an informed decision:
Research suggests smacking is ineffective as a parental discipline strategy
Shopping, kids and smacking. Have you seen it?
The five rules for fighting fair.
Alternatives to Smacking.
To smack or not to smack - what is the answer?
Sniff of Sense and Sensibility in child protection
February 23, 2008
I love the classics - Jane Eyre (oh, the trauma), Jane Austen (oh, the distress, shock and pain of love) and plain Jane gets ignored because she’s weird at school. What classic behaviour we frequently perpetrate on children who may well be suffering the physical and psychological effects of trauma. Where’s our child protection sense!
Did Jane Austen know that when she wrote Sense and sensibility that she was producing child protection fodder? Possibly not. While Jane’s story of sisters has become a much loved classic, the sense and sensibility of recognising traumatised Jane has almost disappeared because we fail to know how to reach a traumatised child. While the classic Jane’s had their fair share of trauma, the young Jane’s and Darcey’s of today are often exposed to trauma of a global and community magnitude. Continuously triggered by hearing and seeing images of trauma, traumatised kids easily dissociate, zone out and act weird at school. We sense their distress, but we do little to help them. In fact, we often tease them.
Where is our fifth sense, common sense? Right under our nose! Like snuff or smelling salts. Use the five senses to help a traumatised child to stay grounded and present in the here and now.
Traumatised children may have developed dissociation and attachment disorders as a result of their trauma. Many parents/carers complain of their child appearing to be in a continuous day dream. The child may well be, because being in the present reminds them of terrible things that have happened. Thinking of terrible things raises strong feelings. Unable to cope with the strong feelings, the child may flip off to a safe world they have created in their mind. To get a good background on how trauma affects children and how these kids can be present physically but not emotionally and cognitively, please read:
The five senses provide you five different ways to help gently return your child to the here and now (this also works for adults who may be dissociative). The emphasis here is on gentle. Your traumatised child needs to be surrounded with support, understanding and positive reinforcements. Name calling, put downs or manipulations of the five senses to create further bad and offensive memories is another form of abuse. Do not do it - not even for a joke.
Seeing: Hold a favorite object in front of the eyes of your child. Talk to the child and gently shake the object. The sight of something they like may help to bring them back to the present.
Hearing: Gently call their name in an even and safe tone. If that does not work, put on a favorite piece of music and turn it up a notch more than quiet.
Taste: DO NOT DO THIS WITH CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. While gently talking to the child tell the child you are going to put a slice of apple/teaspoon of caramel/potato crisp (use whatever the child likes) into their mouth. The yummy taste may just help them to be fully present again.
Touch: DO NOT DO THIS WITH CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED. A gentle and supportive touch on the cheek, the arm, the back may reassure your child that you are present, you will protect and you will help. Similarly, the touch of an object the child likes may be effective. Place the object into the child’s hand.
Smell: The smell of fresh bread cooking or the blended aromas that waft from a restaurant strip frequently case comment. “Yum. Smell that. Let’s eat there.” Smell is a strong hook and can work well to bring a person back to what is happening around them right now. Smell is also a strong trigger. Many survivors of child abuse have said that smell is the first trigger in their haste to retreat (dissociate). They smell something that reminds them of their trauma, and woof, they’ve dissociated. Find a smell that is pleasing and comforting to your child. What do they make positive comment on - the smell of Vegemite, your perfume, Dad’s socks, freshly cut grass. If you have their pleasing smell on hand, gently wave it under their nose: give your child a different safe something and somewhere to escape to. You.
The senses are powerful. Increasing a child’s repertoire of events surrounded with good sensual memory simulations is an important part of healthy child development and child protection. Think back to your own childhood - what is your strongest pleasant memory? What senses are involved in your memory recall? What feelings are associated with the recall.?
Love is a virus worth marketing
February 20, 2008
Viral marketing works for bloggers and users of Web 2.0 applications (see the latest Nett Magazine for an excellent article on business growth and Web 2.0). Awards, memes and blog bling is the viral equivalent for bloggy friends…the way we spread each other around.
My inbound links and trackbacks have slowed down. I think they have a healthy virus perhaps! They are spell bound. It was not until doing my regular blogroll visitation (it is very important to visit other bloggers if you aim to survive atop the blogosphere - I am sure that is why I am number 9 Aussie Woman blogger - I visit and receive visitors regularly) that I discovered the serene Tiff over at Three Ring Circus had sent me a kiss by way of a Spread the Love award (pictured). Thanks Tiff.
The idea of the award is to spread it, like a virus - hence, love is a virus worth marketing. I spread my little bit of love to three people:
- one new blogger, Keran from Birdwing Therapies
- one blogger whom has inadvertently denied himself from many of you little gems out there simply by not knowing about the same social networks that we all use. Go visit internationally renowned Aussie marketing guru and ambassador of the Abused Child Trust, Andrew Griffiths, at his blog of the same name. Invite him into our networks, into the top 100 Aussie Bloggers list and enjoy his invitation to learn from his wealth of marketing expertise,
- and one blogger to be - Paul Martin, my husband, with his soon to be released Husband Humour. It is quite a humourous wait as he ponders on how and when he will launch his new blog. Waiting, darling, waiting! I hope you don’t end up with a post humorous award
I think that given he’s using his wife’s antics as blog fodder, he has failed to find any husband humour moments to blog upon. 
You three must now spread the love to other bloggers and in doing so, create good blog karma and strong cyber pathways of high ethics, community and safety.
And…on the topic of social networks and blogging as a business growth platform, I am keen to start a Cairns Business Bloggers community. If you know any Cairns based bloggers (business or non business, please leave me their link so I can make contact with them.
Edit: I really do have some serious time delays happening with incoming links and memory! Sorry Jeanie in Paradise, I missed your Excellence award to me. That’s not very excellent of me!!!!! I was just checking comments on your site to make sure that alleged bad person blogger wasn’t trying it on you, and, smack, I got an excellent one in the eye.
I pass the big “E” onto my sistersite, All for women. Have you seen our joint project, the Teddy Tour? It’s an excellent idea if I do say so myself.
Alleged sex predator masquerades as parent blogger
February 20, 2008
What’s the time Mr Wolf? The warnings are there in early childhood games and nursery rhymes. Not all is as it may initially seem. While Web 2.0 initiatives have developed a geek streak in many mummy and daddy bloggers, has it also bought sex predators into our lounge room and closer to our children?
My Space and similar teen social networking sites have been the bane of many child/parent arguments. Scared parents struggle to keep their kids offline and away from cyber bulling, cyber sex and bottom dwelling cyber predators. But, with the advent of parent bloggers, parents pleased that they have mastered geekdom and learnt how to maneuver blog platforms, tweak themes and the etiquette of social network sites (what has happened at Bumpzee - that was my all time favorite), sex predators have been invited in through the front door of our home.
Never mind just who’s chatting to your kids, who are you talking to? I have recently followed through on a disclosure about a particular family blogger - a blogger whose avatar I have seen on many Australian sites that I frequent. Allegedly, the blogger has served a four year jail sentence for crimes that included sexual assaults against children. Allegedly, that same blogger has told someone in the know that they are now changed and will never do that sort of thing again.
Ummm…do sex predators change their predatory behaviour or do they just find new ways to hunt their victims. The jury is out on this debate but I am not taking the chance. I have reported to the internet police, even though there has been no grooming behaviour spotted by me. To work professionally with children we require suitability cards (aka Blue Card) - police checks that confirm we have not committed any offences involving or against children in our state of employment. There are no such checks for bloggers. Should we perhaps have them?
Be careful who you open your front door to. Take me seriously when and if I let you know that a particular avatar on your site has raised me cause for alarm.
Five ways to emotionally smart kids
February 19, 2008
Imaginif…you knew how important emotional intelligence is! Mum and Dad, how do you feel right now? Are you sure it is a feeling and not a thought? Do you even know the difference?
There are over 3000 feeling words but we mostly ever only teach our kids six! Six words for our kids to use throughout their life time?? Appalling. I sure want to teach my kids all there is to know - if there’s over 3000 feeling words I had better study up to ensure I am a responsible and loving parent who looks after my children’s entire development - not just their academic and physical development.
Emotional intelligence can keep kids safe. Contact the talk doctors at Imaginif to find out how, or, try these five ways to make your kids smarter:
- Learn a new feeling word a week. Here’s a list of feeling words to get you started. Here’s, Parent Sense for some more ideas.
- Use the formula for clear communication: I feel…when you…because…
- Ask your child how they feel about going to school.
- Ask your child what they think about going to school. Teacher’s note: Are you smart enough to know the difference between feel and think, Mum and Dad? If not, come see the talk doctors at Imaginif or read all our Emotional Intelligence articles.
- Get to know your early warning feeling signs. Draw a body outline. Use red to shade where you feel anger, blue where you feel calm, maybe green where you feel content, etc. Imagine spreading the blue all over your body - especially when some bully has picked on you!
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