Australian Animal Finger Puppets WINNER
Congratulations to Eileen Wells who was drawn as the winner of the five Aussie Animal Finger Puppets.
Eileen Wells Says: August 14th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
This is such a great idea, Megan! And you always seem to have a bumper crop of those! Plus the puppets are adorable!
XXOO Eileen
I have sent you an email Eileen asking for your address. I do know that Eileen hails from the USA. How wonderful that we can send a little Australian Animal magnetism across the Pacific.
I hope you love these puppets Eileen. They are a resource that I frequently use with children and in my training programs.
to all of you for entering.
Check back tomorrow for our September competition.
The only hint I’m giving is that the prize will make a WONDERFUL Christmas present for your child.
Carnivals and Competitions are not only for Children
This fortnight’s Carnival of Australia is now up at Meg’s, Dipping into the Blogpond: August 29 Edition of the Carnival of Australia. If you are an Australian blogger or you Blog about things Australian, be sure to join us in our fortnightly showcase. Upcoming hosts can be seen at our Blog Carnival Index home and past editions can be found at our true blue Aussie home.
All for Women has taken up the form of Blog Carnival’s, Carnival submission and magazine style presentation. Their new style began this week and was appropriately hostessed on the organisers site: All Women Blogging Carnival. Imaginif is a supporter of All for Women and therefore we always have posts included in their Carnivals. This fortnight we threw, Child Protection Week 2007. Bloggers Relay we Care for Kids by giving a Blog, into the ring.
There’s only two days left in which to enter your name into the draw to win Five Aussie Animal Finger Puppets. On Friday morning, I will be printing out all the entries, putting them into a hat, and drawing the winner. Is your name in? This would have to be the easiest online competition ever.
Children Blamed for Child Sexual Abuse
Two children made a complaint against a man that everyone in the small town loved. More children came forward and made complaints of sexual abuse. Throughout the investigation, Police also contacted other children, allegedly sexually abused by this beloved townsman. Many of the contacted children admitted that the man had sexually abused them for years.
In the face of overwhelming evidence, the man confessed. Over a long period, he had sexually abused almost every female child he had contact with. Banished from his town by the judicial system and sent to jail in a place far from home, rural anger turned toward the children.
“If you knew he was like that why did you go near him?”
“It’s common sense, you just stay away from danger.”
“Because he was teased by big girls who should know better, we have lost our best worker.”
“The children got together and lied. Look, they’re all sad now that he’s gone.”
The statements resounded in my head; louder, stronger and more convincing that my single voice of; “He was responsible for the abuse, not the kids.”
I left my short break in the town exhausted and sad that children are still blamed for sexual assault.
Do you recognise your reactions to child sexual abuse as parallel to what townsfolk were saying?
Child sexual abuse is NEVER the fault of the child.
Related child protection and child safety articles:
Understanding Protective Behaviours in Keeping Children Safe
Family Talk – A Way to Prevent Child Abuse
Risk Factors and Indicators of Child Abuse
Children Learn the Cycle of Violence from our Parenting
The Cycle of Violence is a pattern of behavior that occurs in many relationships. Mother/daughter, husband/wife, father/son, mother/children, etc. It is an insidious and vicious pattern of behaviour that refuses to use the communication strategies of emotional intelligence, relying instead upon family members reacting through through behaviors rather than clearly identifying and calmly stating their case.
Why are so many adults sucked into the Cycle of Violence and cannot leave the abusive relationship? Because they have learnt it as children and they wrongly think that the cycle is normal and acceptable. It is neither.
This is how children learn the cycle of violence from our parenting:
The over worked and tired mother awoke this morning with parenting conviction anew. During the night she had slept badly, worried that she was yelling at the kids too much. Leaping out of bed, eager to start a new day, she said aloud to her mirror, “I’m not going to yell at the kids today. I love my children and I am not going to yell!”
Big kids off to school, Mother tackles the housework. Out comes the vacuum to begin its assault on the floors. Little Jenni is at the table, coloring in, and wants a drink before Mum starts the noisy machine. Annoyed that her vacuuming is delayed, Mother gets little Jenni a drink of milk, puts it down in front of her, and very clearly tells Jenni, “Don’t spill the milk!”
I don’t know why we mothers continue to give little ones the plastic cups of near same circumference top and bottom. They are a disaster waiting to happen. Little ones need beakers with large bottoms, narrower top openings, to stop the clumsy knock overs.
Just about to pick up the vacuum again, Mother hears a steady trickle of liquid spilling from the table to carpet below. Looking agape, Mother sees Jenni, fingers in her mouth, watching the last dribble of milk leaving the cup.
Explosion
Down, mother throws the vacuum cleaner. Muttering under her breath, she runs to the table to pick the cup up. Too late. The milk has nicely soaked into the carpet. She yells at Jenni, “I’m sick of telling you. Don’t spill the milk. This place smells like baby vomit. For once Jenni, can’t you just do as you’re told.”
Jenni cries and Mother angrily tires to soak up the milk-engorged carpet. “Stop that crying Jenni. Now!” Jenni cries more. She hates it when Mummy yells at her. Jenni runs to her bedroom and sobs into her pillow.
Mother feels horrible. She gets all remorseful and wishes she hadn’t broken this morning’s promise not to yell at the kids. “Why do I yell,” she silently asks herself. “Why do I throw a tantrum when the kids do something age appropriate?”
Remorse
Going to the heart broken Jenni, Mother strokes her hair and whispers soothing words of love and care into her little ear. “I’m sorry baby,” she cries herself. “Mummy is so naughty sometimes. I need a good smack. I’m sorry I yelled at you. How about we leave the vacuuming and we’ll read a story together?”
Buyback
Jenni chooses a story and enjoys having Mother all to herself. After three stories, Mother announces, “It’s such a beautiful day, why don’t we walk down to the park for a play on the swings.
Honeymoon
Holding hands they set off together. A beautiful day, they chat together about the dogs they meet, the people they see, and the critters Jenni tries to catch. Jenni is on cloud nine. She really likes Mummy when she’s like this. Mummy is fun.
Normal
Passing by Mrs. Fitch’s house, Jenni stops to admire the pretty flowers growing along the front fence. Mrs. Fitch is a bit of an old witch. She watches her precious flowers and flies out when she sees sweet little children who may want to steal her prize wining blooms. While Jenni bends forward to smell the big red rose, Mum spies cranky Mrs. Fitch peering through her front screen. Rather than tell Mrs. Fitch that its okay, Jenni is only going to smell the flower, Mum instead directs the conversation to her three-year-old daughter. In a cross tone, she directs Jenni, “DON’T PICK THE FLOWER!” Satisfied that Mrs. Fitch now knows that this is a good mother who won’t allow willful acts of destruction, Mum stands with her hands on her hips waiting for Jenni to finish her smell. Jenni didn’t like the tone in Mum’s voice; it was a cranky tone, so she decides to punish Mum by not holding hands.
Tension Build Up
Running ahead of Mum, Jenni is keen to get to the park. She ignores mother’s pleas to slow down. If Mother can’t keep up, too bad, Mother will have less time at the park. A road ahead, Mother yells for Jenni to “STOP. NOW!” Jenni stops. She was never going to cross the road anyway. No need for Mother to be so horrible. By the time Mother reaches for Jenni’s hand, Mother is worn to a frazzle. She snatches the little hand too hardly and pulls Jenni into line. “Stop it Jenni or we won’t go to the Park. Do as you’re told or do nothing at home.”
Stand Over
Jenni and Mother are both walking on eggshells. Mother is waiting for Jenni to throw a tantrum and Jenni is waiting for Mother to spoil the day. Safely in the park, Jenni runs straight for the sandpit. There’s another child happily playing alone but is willing to share the sand toys with Jenni. Holding out a scoop to give Jenni, the child is greeted with a solemn Jenni who pokes her tongue and grabs the scoop without saying thank you. Mother angrily pontificates at Jenni, “Use-your-manners-young-lady!” Fed up with everyone who just can’t understand her, Jenni picks up a scoop full of sand and skillfully tips it onto the head of the other child.
Explosion
Mortified, and worried about what the other child’s parent will say, Mum explodes. “How dare you do that Jenni. You are a very naughty little girl. Just you wait until your father hears about this disgraceful behavior. Get up! Get up NOW. No park for bad little girls. I just cannot take you anywhere. You are a disgrace and an embarrassment!”
…and so the cycle of violence is learned by our children. If something is learned, it can also be unlearned. Are you an emotionally intelligent parent with the gumption to break the insidious nature of the cycle of violent parenting? I hope so. I know it can be done because I used to be like Jenni’s mother. Once too often I saw the look of sadness in my child’s eyes. When I recognised it as the look of abuse, I immediately changed my behaviours and parented in a non violent way where feelings are given words and those words shared vocally, rather than acted out. Try it. Raise children, not abused children.
A variation of this article by Megan Bayliss (How Children Learn the Cycle of Violence) first appeared at families.com in Sept 2006.
For further learning around breaking the Cycle of Violence, try these child focused articles:
Domestic Violence and the Impact on Children
Teaching Emotional Intelligence for Personal Safety and Clear Communication
Teaching Emotional Intelligence: A Job for the Intelligent Parent
Safe Kids: Taking Each Other For Granted
Last week I did the unforgivable in child safety as far as my household was concerned…I confiscated the TV, stereo, play station and Internet for a month from my foster kids. Why? Well, we appear to be taking what we have, including each other, for granted. And this, methinks, does not foster safe relationships with ourselves, each other or social others. Tho this is my first time parenting, so I could be way off base with this method.
My support workers and the kid’s CSOs asked me to really think about what I was doing – would the repercussions be worth it? Would the kids fight with verbal abuse even more? (How this is possible I do not know 
Would the action jeopardize my relationship with the kids? (Again – I don’t see what they could call me or taunt me with which they haven’t already). At the end of the house meeting the support workers and CSOs just wanted to be assured that I wasn’t creating more of a stressful environment for myself, and therefore the kids. I was quietly confident that I had made the right choice.
The kids really care about each other when it comes to the crunch. In-between-times tho they holler, hurl and bully to the extent that neighbours will have a go at them to “Knock it off!” I have noticed that each foster child uses a piece of technology as a way to avoid thinking about “stuff”. They become absorbed by the TV or Internet as a way to not spend time with themselves, each other, or me. Yet, they are constantly trying to get my attention and spend time with me when they are not with the screen or keyboard. So I figured…I’ll give them more time and attention…
After rolling on the ground telling me he was “going to die” and from her that “we don’t have %#$! as it is” we settled in to not having an assortment of luxuries to distract ourselves with. I sacrificed Boston Legal and some other crime shows, so it was not like they were going it alone. Pay day saw me at Office Works and Spotlight picking up sketch pads and pencils, paints and brushes, material, cushion inserts, meters of calico, a family board game and a budget sewing machine from eBay (it was a good pay week).
Something I learned a long time ago was to replace what I took away with something of equal value. I have two highly expressive foster children so I gathered materials to encourage that self-expression.
Well a week has gone by and my boy is lapping up the extra attention and opportunities to show how he finds meaning in the world. My girl however…had done a runner…again…gone now for three nights (methinks the Cairns Festival is providing her with food and company). Before she absconded tho, she was engaging more with me, having more controlled arguments with her foster brother and taking time out to read a novel and write poetry. So I do not think the lack of technology was a big factor in her choosing not to return home. I hope to see her soon~ safe.
Meanwhile, my boy and I are in the middle of decorating a coffee table and he is doing most of the work- presently applying crackle effect paint. If my tytping is mussed up it’s because of the hot glue stuck to my middle finger – which hurts! The left over hot glue is being used on sketch pad paper to be painted over later as pieces of abstract art. We got the idea from the Flight display and auction currently on at Kickarts, a rich source of inspiration for us in our discovery of ourselves, and each other (btw. my sister has a piece on display).
At this point, I highly recommend ditching some technology around the home to foster better relationships between family members, and oneself. The initial shock soon wears off, and it is a delightful feeling to bask in the natural sounds of the surrounds, and to hear kids laughing and talking to each other. As well, it is good for the heart and soul to see the family taking the time to venture into their own psych for entertainment, solitude and peace-making.
We are making each activity a time for learning moments:
http://imaginif.com.au/~ima33724/blog/2007/08/21/parenting-around-protective-behaviours/
and
Next week we make a puppet show for friends like Lizzie:
http://imaginif.com.au/~ima33724/blog/2007/08/20/protective-play-interview-with-frizzy-lizzie-a-frilled-neck-lizard/
